Most of us know what wedding officiants do. They work with couples to design the perfect wedding ceremony and then conduct the proceedings. But did you know there are also funeral officiants—professionals who are trained to help plan and conduct funeral ceremonies? These experts are called Funeral Celebrants.

What does a Funeral Celebrant do?

Funeral Celebrants collaborate with the family to create a personalized ceremony that truly reflects the life of the person being memorialized. The celebrant gets to know the deceased by asking questions, listening to stories, and curating the information provided by the family. In designing the ceremony, they pay careful attention to the music, readings, poems, and rituals that are incorporated into the ceremony.

The Celebrant’s role during the ceremony is up to the family. In many cases, the Celebrant and family will divide the duties. For example, the Celebrant might give the eulogy and lead the songs while family members present readings and prayers.

How is a Funeral Director different from a Celebrant?

According to the National Funeral Director’s Association, the key duties of a funeral director include:

• Arranging for the removal of the deceased from the place of death
• Providing support to the bereaved during the initial stages of grief
• Preparing the body according to legal requirements and the wishes of the survivors
• Arranging and directing funeral ceremonies
• Securing information for legal documents, filing death certificates, and other legal papers
• Helping survivors when filing death benefits claims, as well as assisting them in adapting to their lives post-death

As you can see, that’s quite a broad portfolio of duties. That’s why the exact duties performed by a funeral director can vary depending on the funeral. This is especially true when it comes to acting as the funeral officiant. The funeral director may conduct the ceremony or work with a celebrant or officiant to perform the service.

The key role of a celebrant is to ensure that the funeral ceremony is personalized. Most are unaffiliated, that is to say, not directly employed by the funeral home. Their job is to focus on the funeral service or memorial ceremony. They are independent professionals who can conduct funerals at any location or within the funeral home. Unless they are also a funeral director, funeral celebrants do not handle body preparation or any of the specialized tasks that funeral directors are trained and certified to do.

Celebrants receive training and certification at organizations such as the Celebrant Foundation & Institute.

Can I use both a funeral director and a funeral celebrant?

Professional funeral celebrants are accustomed to working closely with funeral homes and are happy to do so. If you are using both, then generally, the funeral director will be responsible for transportation and care of the deceased and various organizational and administrative tasks while the celebrant takes care of the emotional and personal elements of the service. The choice between a funeral director and a funeral celebrant, or both, depends on your preferences, cultural or religious beliefs, and the specific needs of the funeral you are planning. It can also depend on regulations. When a burial is chosen, many states require that a funeral director be on hand throughout the process.

Traditional funerals where the casket is present almost always involve the services of a funeral director. If you are having the funeral at a place of worship, a clergy member will likely be involved. There are many options for where to hold memorial services because they can be held at any time following a burial or cremation. The services of a celebrant are an excellent choice for a memorial service to celebrate the life of the deceased.

What about religion?

Most celebrants are happy to design ceremonies that incorporate spiritual rituals. In fact, many clergy are also trained as celebrants.

A key reason that people like working with celebrants is that they focus on making the funeral ceremony extremely personal. If religion was important to the deceased, then, of course, it should be part of the ceremony. How active a celebrant is in conducting a funeral’s religious elements depends on your denomination. In many religions, only an ordained priest or minister can offer the rites.

So, back to the original question: Do you need both a funeral director and a funeral celebrant?

Fortunately, today, we have many options when it comes to handling funeral ceremonies. There is an important role for both the funeral director and a Professional celebrant. If your ceremony includes a funeral where the body is present, you will need the services of a funeral director. If you are having a memorial service rather than a funeral (the body is not present), then a Celebrant will be able to handle all the details.

>>Visit our Directory of Funeral Celebrants

>>Download our Guide to Using a Funeral Celebrant

>>Read: Using Funeral Celebrants

>>Read: Yes. Planning a Funeral is Like Planning a Wedding

Sources: NFDA Careers Page (https://nfda.org/careers)

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A new generation of artificial intelligence (AI) is all the rage now. AI programs have been used for years, but the latest technological breakthrough is “generative” AI programs. These new AI programs, also known as chatbots, can respond to virtually any query. They can answer questions, hold a conversation, compose essays, and even create computer code.

Predictably, major tech companies Alphabet and Microsoft are developing ways to incorporate AI into their search engines (Google and Bing, respectively). Microsoft has invested billions in the artificial intelligence company OpenAI and has already integrated OpenAI’s ChatGPT into a new version of Bing. OpenAI has already released an even better version called GPT-4. Google, Meta (Facebook) and others are countering with their own AI-enabled search tools.

As you can imagine, the possibilities are endless, and like many new technologies, it comes with many concerns. Will AI chatbots replace human beings? Will chatbots be used to spread misinformation? AI development is still in its early stages. So, how widely it will be used and what the long-term impact will remain to be seen.

Artificial Intelligence and Funerals

Here at Funeralwise, we wonder what effect chatbots will have on funerals. Can chatbots be used to write eulogies and obituaries? How will artificial intelligence assist people with funeral planning? Will they recommend the best funeral homes or the best funeral insurance policy to buy? Will they be an alternative to the hundreds of pages of information on Funeralwise.com? What do you think? Post your thoughts on AI and funerals below.

An AI Chatbot Gives Us 10 Reasons to Plan Your Funeral

We were curious what a chatbot would have to say about funeral planning so we asked GPT-4 this question: “What are the reasons I should plan my funeral before I die?”

The exact response from GPT-4 (we added the text bolding):

“Creating a funeral plan before you die can provide several benefits for both you and your loved ones. Here are some reasons why you should consider creating a funeral plan:

1. Peace of mind: Preparing a funeral plan allows you to make your wishes known, ensuring that your funeral is conducted according to your preferences. This can give you peace of mind knowing that your final wishes will be respected and carried out.
2. Financial planning: By planning your funeral in advance, you can choose the services you want and determine the associated costs. This can help you make informed decisions and potentially save money by locking in prices or selecting more affordable options.
3. Easing the burden on loved ones: Losing a loved one is an emotionally challenging time. By having a funeral plan in place, you can relieve your family and friends of the burden of making difficult decisions and planning a funeral during their time of grief.
4. Personalizing your funeral: Creating a funeral plan allows you to personalize your funeral, reflecting your beliefs, values, and interests. This can help create a meaningful and memorable service for those in attendance.
5. Avoiding family disputes: Pre-planning your funeral can help avoid potential disagreements among family members regarding your funeral arrangements, ensuring that your wishes are respected and followed.
6. Ensuring financial support: Some funeral plans include options for payment or insurance policies, which can help ensure that your family has the financial means to cover the costs associated with your funeral.
7. Legal considerations: Preparing a funeral plan can also help you address legal matters related to your estate, such as appointing an executor, drafting a will, and organizing important documents.
8. Organ donation or body donation: If you wish to be an organ donor or donate your body to science, having a funeral plan in place can help communicate your intentions and ensure that your wishes are followed.
9. Environmentally friendly options: If you are concerned about the environmental impact of traditional funerals, pre-planning allows you to explore and choose greener alternatives, such as green burial options or eco-friendly cremation options.
10. Time for reflection: Planning your funeral in advance gives you the opportunity to reflect on your life and consider what kind of legacy you want to leave behind. This process can be an important part of accepting and coming to terms with your mortality.”

What Our Funeral Planning Robots Have To Say

That’s a pretty good response from GPT-4. We’ll be keeping our eye on the effect of AI on funerals and keep you informed. In the meantime, we have our own form of AI, our funeral planning robots, Zelmo and Gizmo, to offer advice on funeral planning. Check it out!

Funeral Planning the Funeralwise Way

No need to wait for AI; you can do your funeral planning today with our Wise Planning System. Get started with our Free Quick Plan.

>>Read our article “Do Robots Deserve Funerals.”

The post Artificially Intelligent (AI) Funeral Planning appeared first on Funeralwise.

Using A Funeral Celebrant: A Growing Movement That’s Catching Hold

If you aren’t familiar with the concept of using a professional celebrant to preside at funerals and memorial services, then you aren’t alone. The idea of using a secular professional trained to lead funeral ceremonies isn’t new, but it is a relatively recent phenomenon in North America.

The profession of funeral celebrant developed in Australia in the 1970s when the government identified the need for specialists trained to officiate at wedding ceremonies. With success conducting weddings, the celebrants began applying their skills to funerals as well. The concept quickly spread throughout Australia and the UK. During the late 1990s, the movement began to take hold in North America.

The use of funeral celebrants in this country is still in its early stages, but there is already a vibrant and growing population of professional funeral celebrants in the United States. We think the use of funeral celebrants is a trend that will continue to take hold.

To help the Funeralwise community learn more about using celebrants, we have added new content to our site and now feature celebrants in our Preferred Provider Directory. If you are a Funeral Celebrant and would like to be added to our directory, click here.

>>Read Funeral Celebrants: Creating Personalized Ceremonies
>>Download our Guide to Using a Funeral Celebrant

WHEN SOMEONE LOSES A PET

If you’ve ever lost a treasured family pet then you know how hard it is. You may also know how difficult it can be to know what to say to someone who is struggling with the grief of saying goodbye to a pet. To help, we’ve complied a list of things you can say to show your support and understanding. View the list or click on the link below.

We understand how intense pet loss grief can be, so we’ve developed a number of resources to address the topic. To learn more about dealing with the loss of a pet and see our tips for dealing with the grief, visit our section on Coping with the Loss of a Pet.

>>SAY THIS, NOT THAT

TRAVEL PROTECTION PLANS

You’ve probably haven’t thought much about what will happen if you die while you are away from home. Unfortunately, this may be something you should consider since we Americans do love to travel.

Dying away from home can be an expensive proposition. Depending on where you are, you will need the services of two funeral directors and a carrier to get your remains from where to you passed away to your home town.

Luckily, there are now plans that can protect you should this happen. Click on the button below to learn more.

>>LEARN MORE ABOUT TRAVEL PROTECTION

PLANNING VS PREPAYING

Do you assume that funeral planning means you have to pay up front? Of course, there’s nothing wrong with paying in advance but you don’t have to. Even if you don’t want to pay for your funeral expenses up front, you can still pre-plan because the best time to plan your funeral is BEFORE you need it. Check out our article on preplanning without prepaying.

Our online funeral planner allows you to record your wishes in as much or as little detail as you want without spending a penny. See how you can do your planning for free with our Wise Planning System. Or read more about preplanning by clicking the button below. Already have a Funeralwise plan? Login here.

>>LEARN MORE

DIGITAL DYING

Have you visited our Digital Dying blog recently? It’s got an all new look and a fresh focus.

Digital Dying presents our unique perspective on funeral customs past and present, We also take a vibrant look forward by covering topics relating to Funerals of the Future, news relating to funerals and funeral customs,and the people that are shaping the industry.

Funeralwise continues to find new ways to help people make the difficult decisions that come with end-of-life. Our goal is to help you prepare for the inevitable, celebrate life, and remember those who have gone before us.

VISIT DIGITAL DYING

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Have you tried our online planner yet? Why not take a few minutes to do that today. Remember… the best time to plan a funeral is BEFORE you need it.

Try the Planner

Funeralwise.com is the place to go on the web for everything you need to know about funerals. Whether you are planning a funeral or attending one, we will provide you with straight-forward answers to your questions and step-by-step instructions to guide you on your way.

The post Using A Funeral Celebrant: A Growing Movement appeared first on Funeralwise.

You may have seen the latest TV ads from a national funeral home chain. The spots feature a motorcycle-themed funeral, a lap around a track for an auto racing fan, and a disco party for a dance lover. These commercials are examples of some very unique final farewells and highlight a new focus on creating highly personalized funerals and memorial services.

Without a doubt, creating custom end-of-life ceremonies is one of the hottest trends in the funeral industry. We think that’s a great thing since one of the main reasons to have a funeral is to give our friends and family the chance to show their love and respect one last time. There’s no better way to do that than to let them share some of the things that make you unique.

Creating a memorial ceremony that doesn’t follow a traditional model requires some planning. The best way to make it a true reflection of your unique life is for you to be involved in the plan. You’ll also be giving a great gift to your loved ones since it won’t be left to them to guess at what you would want.

There are many ways to create a personalized funeral or celebration of life. Among the most common ways is to include videos, photos, or special music in the ceremony, but there is no right or wrong way. In the end, it’s entirely up to you. There is no reason why you can’t have any kind of ceremony you want.

If you’re having trouble thinking about the type of service you’d like to have, we can help. Our website is filled with information that will help guide you.

>>Read More About How to Personalize a Funeral
>>Download our Guide to Making Funeral Arrangements

USING FUNERAL MUSIC FOR PERSONALIZING A FUNERAL

You may be surprised to hear that among the most popular selections for funeral songs is Monty Python’s “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.” While that may be unexpected, it proves the point that one of the best ways to add a personal touch to a funeral or memorial service is through the music that is played. These days, when it comes to choosing music, anything goes.

With so many options available, picking out a handful of favorites can be difficult. Our guide to selecting funeral music can help. It includes helpful tips as well as lists of good choices from a variety of genres.

>>LEARN MORE ABOUT MUSIC

FUNERAL OR CELEBRATION OF LIFE? IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?

When a loved one dies, we look for the perfect way to honor their life. We also want to give those left behind a way to say goodbye. Traditionally, society has turned to funeral services that are based on religious or cultural traditions as a way to pay tribute.

But times change. As the world has become more mobile and less connected to organized religion, we have turned to a less formal, more personalized approach to commemorating the lives of our loved ones. In recent years we have seen the increasing popularity of Celebrations of Life instead of traditional funerals.

>>READ ON…

5 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BEING A FUNERAL CELEBRANT

Dedicating yourself to helping others plan end-of-life ceremonies is a labor of love. It’s a job that requires the ability to put yourself in your client’s shoes and be open to witnessing the pain and heartbreak that can come with death. Being a funeral officiant also offers the opportunity to help people navigate the difficult path through grief.

Those who take on the challenges of the job find it hugely rewarding. Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant Elaine Voci, Ph.D. recently shared her perspective on the being part of the vibrant Celebrant community.

>>I WANT TO KNOW MORE

HONORING ANIMALS WITH CEREMONY

Our animals are part of the family. So it’s no surprise that when it’s time to say goodbye it can be extremely difficult. For some people, having a ceremony to honor the life of a beloved furry friend that has passed away can offer the perfect way to honor our pet.

We had the pleasure of talking with Laura King, a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant who specializes in conducting ceremonies for pets at all stages of life. Click on the button below to learn more about Laura and hear her unique point-of-view on holding services for pets.

>>GET TO KNOW LAURA

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Have you tried our online planner yet? Why not take a few minutes to do that today. Remember… the best time to plan a funeral is BEFORE you need it.

>>TRY THE PLANNER

Funeralwise.com is the place to go on the web for everything you need to know about funerals. Whether you are planning a funeral or attending one, we will provide you with straight-forward answers to your questions and step-by-step instructions to guide you on your way.

The post Making Funerals More Personal appeared first on Funeralwise.

The post Loss of a Pet FAQ appeared first on Funeralwise.

It has been said that the worst thing about having pets is that they don’t live long enough. If you have lost a pet then you will certainly agree. Unfortunately, the chances are pretty good that if you have pets then at some point you will have to say goodbye to that trusted friend. Memorializing your pet gives you the chance to honor your furry friend while capturing the memories you shared together.

The grief we feel over the loss of our pets is not unlike that we suffer when we lose a person that we are close to. That means that we will go through the same stages of grief. Many experts believe that focusing on positive memories and creating a tribute can help us work through what we are feeling. This is good news since it means that just because our pet is no longer with us, the memories we share are.

There are many wonderful ways to memorialize our pets. For some of us, words help. In those cases, we will wright or read something special to our pet. For others, more visual representations are more appropriate. The point is, there is no right or wrong way to create a memorial to your pet, only the way that works best for you and your family.

Ideas for Memorializing Your Pet

Have a Pet Funeral or Memorial Service

Going through the process of organizing a funeral or memorial service can be therapeutic for your entire family. You can invite those who shared a special bond with your pet as well as people who just want to offer their support and understand the grief that you are feeling. The ceremony can be as simple or as elaborate as you like. For more information on how to organize a ceremony for your pet visit our Pet Funerals page.

Check out our Collection of Memorial Programs and Other Printed Memorial Products.

Purchase an Urn for Your Pet’s Ashes

If you have not shopped for an urn recently you will be surprised at the variety of styles and options available. From elaborate pieces of art to whimsical selections that will bring to mind your pet, there is truly something available for everyone. Visit our online store to see some of the unique selections that we offer.

Select an Appropriate Resting Place

For many people, having a special place to visit with their pet is comforting. If you are in a home and expect to be there for some time, your backyard may be the perfect resting place for your pet. If you have your pet cremated, scattering your pet’s ashes in a spot that was special to them may have appeal. If you have not yet decided how you will handle your pet’s final disposition, visit our Burial versus Cremation page for more information.

Shop for a Memorial Keepsake for your Pet

From a custom-made garden stone to a hand-blown glass orb that can brighten a window, there are many beautiful keepsake items that can bring to mind your pet. Visit our store to see the many options we have available.

Write an Obituary for Your Pet

Taking time to reflect on your pet’s journey and committing it to paper can help you capture your memories for posterity. As others who were special to your pet to share their memories as well. Once you have completed the story of your pet’s life you can post it online or include it in a book of memories.

Create a Photo Tribute or Journal for Your Pet

Whether you create a special spot in your home for photos of your pet or prepare a journal or album, compiling a photo history of your pet will create a wonderful keepsake. If you are so inclined, use the photos to create a video set to music.

Plant a Tree in Memory of Your Pet

Planting a tree or some other plant life in memory of your pet is a wonderful way to renew the environment while honoring your pet. You can choose a location that had meaning to your pet or where your pet is actually buried. We carry The Living Urn system in our memorial store. This item is a beautiful way to pay tribute to your special friend.

Make a Donation in Honor of Your Pet

Making a donation to a reputable animal welfare organization in your pet’s name will pay honor to your pet while helping others.

Commission a Portrait

There are many options when it comes to portraiture. Whether you have a photorealistic image created or something more abstract, having a one of a kind remembrance of your pet can be comforting. It is even possible to have a portrait created that includes ashes from your pet.

Try Something Extraordinary

There are many unique ways that you can incorporate cremated remains–from fireworks to creating a vinyl LP. Click here to view our slideshow of unique ideas for handling cremated remains.

The post Memorializing Your Pet appeared first on Funeralwise.

With so many sources to choose from, it can be difficult to make selections. Below are a few well-known examples of secular funeral readings. If none of these seem appropriate for your loved one, they can serve as inspiration. Your funeral director may have additional selections for you to consider. Click on the title to view the full passage.

Examples of Secular Funeral Readings

• Out of Solitude by Henri Nouwen
• From Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
• Leigh Hunt, from a letter on the death of John Keats
• From The Apology of Socrates (Plato, Translation by B. Jowett)
• From The Mysterious Tao (Musings of a Chinese Mystic by Chuang Tzu)
• From The Book of Margins by Edmond Jabes
• From Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
• From The Dead by James Joyce
• Untitled (Anne Morrow Lindbergh 16 years after the kidnapping and murder of her infant son)
• Untitled by John Stuart Mill
• Anonymous, Translated from Japanese by Ryukichi Kurata
• Our friend died at his own battlefield.
• Parable On Immortality by Henry Van Dyke
• At a Child’s Grave by Robert G. Ingersoll

Out of Solitude by Henri Nouwen

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief or bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. Top↑

From Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare

Cowards die many times before their death; The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear; Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come. Top↑

Leigh Hunt, from a letter on the death of John Keats

Tell him that we shall all bear his memory in the most precious part of our hearts, and that the world shall bow their heads to it, as our loves do. Tell him that the most skeptical of us has faith enough in the high things that nature puts into our heads, to think that all who are of one accord in mind and heart, are journeying to one and the same place, and shall unite somehow or other again face to face, mutually conscious, mutually delighted. Tell him he is only before us on the road, as he was in everything else, and that we are coming after him. Top↑

From The Apology of Socrates (Plato, Translation by B. Jowett)

There is great reason to hope that death is a good; for one of two things—either death is a state of nothingness and utter unconsciousness, or as men say, there is a change and migration of the soul from this world to another. Now if you suppose that there is no consciousness, but a sleep like the sleep of him who is undisturbed even by dreams, death will be an unspeakable gain…Now if death be of such a nature, I say that to die is gain; for eternity is then only a single night. But if death is the journey to another place, and there, as men say, all dead abide, what good, O my friends and judges, can be greater than this?…Wherefore, O judges, be of good cheer about death, and know of a certainty, that no evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death. Top↑

From The Mysterious Tao (Musings of a Chinese Mystic by Chuang Tzu)

The six cardinal points, reaching into infinity, are ever included in Tao. An autumn spikelet, in all its minuteness, must carry Tao within itself. There is nothing on earth which does not rise and fall, but it never perishes altogether. The Yin and the Yang, and the four seasons, keep to their proper order. Apparently destroyed, yet really existing; the material gone, the immaterial left —such is the law of creation, which passeth all understanding. This is called the root, whence a glimpse may be obtained of God. Top↑

From The Book of Margins by Edmond Jabes

It is very hard to live with silence. The real silence is death…To approach this Silence, it is necessary to journey into the desert. You do not go into the desert to find identity but to lose it, to lose your personality, to become anonymous. You make yourself voiceless. You become silence. And then something extraordinary happens: you hear silence speak. Top↑

From Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And we will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night,
And pay no worship to the garish sun.—
And every tongue that
But Romeo’s name speaks heavenly eloquence. Top↑

From The Dead by James Joyce

Generous tears filled Gabriel’s eyes. He had never felt like that himself towards any woman, but he knew that such a feeling must be love. The tears gathered more thickly in his eyes and in the partial darkness he imagined he saw the form of a young man standing under a dripping tree. Other forms were near. His soul had approached that region where dwell the vast hosts of the dead. He was conscious of, but could not apprehend, their wayward and flickering existence. His own identity was fading out into grey impalpable world: the solid world itself, which these dead had one time reared and lived itself, was dissolving and dwindling.

A few light taps upon the pane made him turn to the window. It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and father westward softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill… His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead. Top↑

Untitled (Anne Morrow Lindbergh 16 years after the kidnapping and murder of her infant son)

Suffering – no matter how multiplied – is always individual. “Pain is the most individualizing thing on the earth,” Edith Hamilton has written.
“It is true that it is the great common bond as well, but that realization comes only when it is over. To suffer is to be alone. To watch another suffer is to know the barrier that shuts each of us away by himself. Only individuals can suffer.

Suffering is certainly individual, but at the same time it is a universal experience. There are even certain familiar stages in suffering, and familiar, if not identical, steps in coming to terms with it., as in the healing of illness – as, in fact, in coming to terms with death itself. To see these steps in another’s life can be illuminating and perhaps even helpful.

What I am saying is not simply the old Puritan truism that “suffering teaches.” If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to be vulnerable., All these and other factors combined, if the circumstances are right, can teach and can lead to rebirth.

But there is no simple formula, or swift way out, no comfort or easy acceptance of suffering. “There is no question,” as Katherine Mansfield wrote, “of getting beyond it” – “The little boat enters the dark fearful gulf and our only cry is to escape – ‘put me on land again.’ But it’s useless. Nobody listens. The shadowy figure rows on. One ought to sit still and uncover one’s eyes.”

…Courage is a first step, but simply to bear the blow bravely is not enough. Stoicism is courageous, but it is only a halfway house on the long road. It is a shield, permissible for a short time only. In the end, one has to discard shields and remain open and vulnerable. Otherwise, scar tissue will seal off the wound and no growth will follow. To grow, to be reborn, one must remain vulnerable – open to love but also hideously open to the possibility of more suffering. Top↑

Untitled by John Stuart Mill

Human existence is girt round with mystery: the narrow region of our experience is a small island in the midst of a boundless sea. To add to the mystery, the domain of our earthly existence is not only an island of infinite space, but also in infinite time. The past and the future
are alike shrouded from us: we neither know the origin of anything which is, nor its final destination. Top↑

Anonymous, Translated from Japanese by Ryukichi Kurata

There is nothing more terrible than the recent death of a one beloved. During the 49 days of ritual observance and their retreat to a mountain temple with the other mourners, every fiber of emotion is wrung when in these marrow and solitary surroundings are celebrated the masses for the dead. Yet those days glide swiftly and, on the last, desolation is again our portion as we collect our belongings and disperse silently on our several ways to return to the saddened house.

We do not willingly forget the beloved, but days go by and, as the proverb, “Those departed become strangers and remote.” The shock subsides. We must laugh and be trivial. The body is buried on a lonely and far-off mountain, and is visited only on ritual days. Before long, memorial stone is overgrown with moss and heaped with dead leaves, and only faithful visitors are the night-wind and the moon…The grass in spring overgrowing may rouse emotion. It may be sad to hear that the ancient pine-tree of a thousand years has fallen in the great storm and is now cut up for firewood. And then the ancient graveyard becomes a ploughed field, and its place knows it no more. Top↑

Our friend died at his own battlefield. Rivendell Resources grants anyone the right to reprint this without request for compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit and so long as this paragraph is reprinted in its entirety with any copied portion. For further information contact: Cendra (ken’dra) Lynn, Ph.D. Rivendell Resources griefnet@griefnet.org PO Box 3272 Ann Arbor, MI, 48106-3272 http://griefnet.org

Our friend died at his own battlefield. He was killed in action fighting a civil war. He fought against adversities that were as real to him as his casket is real to us. They were powerful adversaries. They took toll of his energies and endurance. They exhausted the last vestiges of his courage and his strength. At last these adversaries overwhelmed him. And it appeared that he had lost the war. But did he? I see a host of victories that he has won!

“For one thing – he has won our admiration – because even if he lost the war, we give him credit for his bravery on the battlefield. And we give him credit for the courage and pride and hope that he used as his weapons as long as he could. We shall remember not his death, but his daily victories gained through his kindness and thoughtfulness, through his love for his family and friends… for all things beautiful, lovely and honorable. We shall remember not his last day of defeat, but we shall remember the many days that he was victorious over overwhelming odds. We shall remember not the years we thought he had left, but the intensity with which he lived the years that he had. Only God knows what this child of His suffered in the silent skirmishes that took place in his soul. But our consolation is that God does know, and understands. Top↑

Parable On Immortality by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore.  A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.  She is an object of beauty and strength.  I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and the sky come down to mingle with each other.  Then someone at my side says, “There she goes.”

Gone where?  Gone from my sight…that is all.  She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination.  Her diminished size is in me, not in her.  And just at the moment when someone at my side says, “There she goes”, there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!” Top↑

At a Child’s Grave by Robert G. Ingersoll

I know how vain it is to gild a grief with words, and yet I wish to take from every grave its fear. Here in this world, where life and death are equal kings, all should be brave enough to meet what all the dead have met. The future has been filled with fear, stained and polluted by the heartless past. From the wondrous tree of life the buds and blossoms fall with ripened fruit, and in the common bed of earth, patriarchs and babes sleep side by side.

Why should we fear that which will come to all that is? We cannot tell, we do not know, which is the greater blessing—life or death. We cannot say that death is not a good. We do not know whether the grave is the end of this life, or the door of another, or whether the night here is not somewhere else a dawn. Neither can we tell which is the more fortunate—the child dying in its mother’s arms, before its lips have learned to form a word, or he who journeys all the length of life’s uneven road, painfully taking the last slow steps with staff and crutch.

Every cradle asks us “Whence?” and every coffin “Whither?” The poor barbarian, weeping above his dead, can answer these questions just as well as the robed priest of the most authentic creed. The tearful ignorance of the one, is as consoling as the learned and unmeaning words of the other. No man, standing where the horizon of a life has touched a grave, has any right to prophesy a future filled with pain and tears.

May be death gives all there is of worth to life. If those we press and strain within our arms could never die, perhaps that love would wither from the earth. May be this common fate treads out from the paths between our hearts the weeds of selfishness and hate. And I had rather live and love where death is king, than have eternal life where love is not. Another life is nought, unless we know and love again the ones who love us here.

They who stand with breaking hearts around this little grave, need have no fear. The larger and the nobler faith in all that is, and is to be, tells us that death, even at its worst, is only perfect rest. We know that through the common wants of life—the needs and duties of each hour—their grief will lessen day by day, until at last this grave will be to them a place of rest and peace—almost of joy. There is for them this consolation: The dead do not suffer. If they live again, their lives will surely be as good as ours. We have no fear. We are all children of the same mother, and the same fate awaits us all. We, too, have our religion, and it is this: Help for the living—Hope for the dead. Top↑

The post Secular Readings for a Funeral Service appeared first on Funeralwise.

As you start your search for appropriate poetry readings for a funeral service you can easily become overwhelmed since there are dozens of beautiful examples. We have provided a listing of some of the most popular below. Just click on the link to view the full text. We hope that you will find the right choice from the selections we have presented. Other ways to find poetry readings for funerals is to search social media such as Pinterest or Facebook or do a simple Internet search.

Examples of Poetry Funeral Readings

• Remember by Christina Rossetti
• On Emily’s Father’s Death by Sam B. Davis
• Sonnet LXXI by William Shakespeare
• I’d Like to Think by unknown
• The Last Invocation by Walt Whitman
• Wild Swans at Coole (final verse) by William Butler Yeats
• The Lake Isle of Innisfree by William Butler Yeats
• From Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam
• From The Prophet on Death by Kahil Gibran
• Do Not Weep For Me by Poet unknown (read for Michael Landon )
• Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas (read for Richard Burton)
• Funeral Blues by W. F. Auden (read in the film “Four weddings and a Funeral”)
• The Widower by Rudyard Kipling
• A Cut Finger by Poet Unknown
• In Memory of My Mother by Patrick Kavanagh
• Epitaph for a Child by Thomas Gray
• Second Sowing Author Unknown
• From Berck-Plage by Sylvia Plath
• Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein
• You Came to Me by Nancy Dingman Watson
• Untitled by Mark Strand
• When Storms Arise by Paul Laurence Dunvar
• Free at Last by Richard Newman
• The Angels Are Watching Over Me by Richard Newman
• In Readings for Remembrance, Eleanor Munro
• In Readings for Remembrance, Eleanor Munro
• Untitled by Mark Strand
• Untitled by Stephen Greenleaf
• A Horseman Passes by Sam B. Davis
• i carry your heart with me by e.e. cummings
• We Remember Him (We Remember Her) Adapted from the Yizkor Service
• Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep by Mary Frye
• Death Is Nothing At All by Canon Henry Scott-Holland

Writing thank you notes when you are grieving can seem like an overwhelming challenge. While it can be time-consuming and somewhat difficult, it doesn’t have to be an impossible chore. If tackling the job is something that you just can’t handle on your own, it is perfectly acceptable to enlist the help of a friend or family member. Below are our Top 7 Tips for Managing Thank You Notes.

7 Thank You Note Tips

1. Keep a list: From the very first day after your bereavement, people will be doing kind things for you, like bringing meals and flowers or offering assistance. Don’t trust your memory—instead, keep a notebook handy and write these kindnesses down.  This will be a helpful resource when it comes times to write your thank you notes.
2. Keep it short: Nobody expects you to write a lengthy note. Simply saying something like, “Thank you for visiting me and bringing a meal—I really appreciate you,” will be enough.
3. Take some time: Send your thank you notes when you’re ready. You don’t need to feel pressured to get this task done right away. Within two or three weeks is just fine. Take longer if you need to.
4. Get some help: If a little time has passed but you still feel too stressed or emotional to write your thank you notes, ask another family member or close friend to step in. You can dictate while they write.
5. Thank the right people: You know who they are—the clergy, the pallbearers, the musicians, and those who went out of their way to remember your loved one with a helping hand or a remembrance. You don’t need to thank each person who attended the funeral or sent a card.
6. Consider a public thank you: If your loved one was especially well-known in the community, or if there was a huge outpouring of support for your family, it may be appropriate to place a “Card of Thanks” notice in the local newspaper. This can be an effective way to reach out to hundreds of people.
7. Offer honorariums: Your thank you notes to the clergy and the musicians (the pianist and soloist, for example) should include an honorarium of $50–$200 for the clergy and $25–100 for musicians. Your church or your funeral home professional can help guide you in determine the right amount.

See our Collection of Thank You Cards.

More On Writing Sympathy Thank You Notes:

Who Should Receive a Thank You Note?

You don’t need to send a formal thank you note to everyone who attended the funeral/visitation or sent you a sympathy card. Instead, a thank you note or acknowledgment should be sent to anyone who has…

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Etiquette for the Bereaved – After the Funeral

Whether or not you’ve requested donations to a cause “in lieu of flowers,” you may receive memorial arrangements, baskets, and planters….

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Stages of Grief

What are the stages of grief? A search of the internet will turn up articles on 4 stages, 5 stages and even 7 stages of grief. The concept of stages has evolved from the “5 stages of dying” popularized by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book, On Death and Dying, originally published in 1969. According to Dr. Kübler-Ross, the stages that a dying person goes through are…

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Contributor: Jenny Mertes

The post Top 7 Tips for Managing Thank You Notes appeared first on Funeralwise.

The loss you feel after death of a pet should never be minimized. Whether the animal was a favorite feline, a faithful dog or even a little turtle, pet loss can spark deep feelings of grief in the people who care for the cherished creature.

Even young children experience grief after death of a pet and may act out their sadness. Furthermore, everyone experiences pet loss differently, so there’s no reason to expect specific behaviors from yourself or others.

You may have heard of the five stages of grief: denial; anger; guilt; depression; and acceptance. Being aware of these emotional shifts can help you manage your emotions. You may feel that you are coping fairly well when an empty dog bowl or cat toy creates a rush of grief. This is normal — and you shouldn’t expect otherwise.

Learn about Grief Stages

There are many things you can do to help heal the pain of losing a pet. Although everyone may have a different approach to healing here are some ideas that may be helpful:

• Share your feelings with others who understand.
• Plan a pet funeral or memorial service.
• Pay attention to your own feelings of loss and be good to yourself.
• Visit the pet’s resting place.
• Use photos to create a memorial in your home.
• Plant a tree or bush in the yard to commemorate your pet.
• Make a donation to an organization that helps animals.

Thousands of animal lovers have experienced the death of a favorite friend and understand what you or a family member is feeling. Plus, there are many resources to help work through this tragic event. Over time, the pain will fade. You may never forget your furry friend, but you will be able to think about him or her without the deep anguish that comes with a recent loss.

Acquiring a New Pet after the Death of a Pet

Some people find it helpful to quickly replace their animal. Others prefer to wait or never get another animal at all. Either way, the decision is up to you and your family. You may consider volunteering at an animal shelter to help you decide if you’re ready to take on another pet. No one should feel disloyal to the memory of their pet for wanting another one. And, just as acquiring your pet was a family decision, so should be replacing your pet.

When a Friend Grieves the Loss of a Pet

The death of a pet affects everyone differently and the most important thing you can do is listen. For many people, a pet is just as important as a human loved one. Feelings of grief — whether for a parrot or a poodle — should be respected. It’s best to:

• Give your friend time to recover from their loss. Don’t expect them to resume a normal routine right away.
• Avoid comparing your experiences with pet loss or sharing current stories about your pets.
• Expect tears as a part of grief. Comfort a friend and don’t minimize the pain.
• Listen! Don’t try to change the subject or distract your friend from memories of their pet.
• Check in with a regular phone call to boost his or her spirits.
• Send a card or other acknowledgment.
• Ask your friend how he or she would like you to help.

The loss of a pet can be especially difficult for children. For more information on helping a child deal with the grief from loss of a pet click here.

The post Coping with Grief after the Death of a Pet appeared first on Funeralwise.