Since our funeral food pages are popular, we thought our readers might enjoy a pithy little feature highlighting our recipes and funeral food customs. Having crossed paths with an article or two about the traditions behind potatoes at funerals, that seemed like a good place to start.  Hailing from the South, I already knew that funeral comfort food is quite a thing, and a tasty thing at that. I’ve been to plenty of funerals where the golden cheesy deliciousness of potato casseroles was on full display, but I had no idea that this otherwise normal food was so iconic.

So, if you’ve ever enjoyed a heaping spoonful of funeral potatoes, read on to learn more about these special creations. If you’ve never had the chance to try them, you might be tempted to try one of the many recipes out there.

10 Fascinating Facts About Funeral Potatoes

Do you have a go-to funeral or sympathy dish? Give us the recipe in the comments to this article and maybe we’ll add it to our cookbook. For more on funeral food, take a look at our funeral reception planning pages.

Don’t like slideshows? Here’s the full list.

1. 5 million and counting.
   Do a Google search for funeral potatoes. I dare you. I got 7,580,000 results. Who’s number 1? Ree Drummond (aka The Pioneer Woman) at Food Network. This recipe doesn’t have a fancy name. It’s called, you guessed it, Funeral Potatoes. According to the description, this version is “extra comforting with lots of cheese and even potato chips.”
2. What’s in a name?
   You might be surprised to hear that Funeral Potatoes got their name because people bring them to funerals. Okay, so you’re not surprised. In any case, according to Southern Living Magazine, “It’s a widespread tradition to serve them at gatherings held after funerals, hence the name.”
3. We’ll never really know.
   No one really knows when or where the tradition behind cheesy potatoes comes from, and you do find them at funerals and potlucks from sea to shining sea. But Utah, particularly the Church of Latter-Day Saints, has a particularly strong claim as the originator due to references in early Relief Society cookbooks.
4. Put a pin in it.
   Funeral Potatoes are so ingrained in the culture of Utah that during the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics, a trading pin depicting the dish was available.
5. Convenience you didn’t know you needed.
   In the rush, rush, rush of modern life, tossing a bag of hash browns with sour cream can be just too much work. Enter Augason Farms of Utah. Carried by stalwarts such as Walmart, Augason produces a frozen premade pouch version of the classic dish. Add water and throw it in the oven. You can still go all out if you want to. The Augason Farms website advises that you can “Make it your own by garnishing with cornflakes, breadcrumbs, bacon, jalapenos, and more.”
6. This treat belongs to everyone.
   Although the Mormons have a strong claim to funeral potatoes, you will find versions of the dish in just about every region of the country. Of course, they’re not always called Funeral Potatoes (see hash brown casserole, cheesy hash browns, cheesy potatoes, party potatoes). Take Cracker Barrel’s hash brown casserole, for example. Yep, that’s pretty much a version of funeral potatoes without the potato chips.
7. Truly something for every taste.
   There is no shortage of variations for funeral potatoes. Some are pretty unique. Feeling spicey? Go with a Dorito topping. More traditional? Corn flakes. Other popular choices: Ritz crackers, potato chips, saltine crackers, seasoned traditional or panko bread crumbs. Even the website LDS Living features an article highlighting ten different recipes for the classic.
8. And the award goes to…
   In a 2017 article, Food & Wine Magazine hailed the Mormon version of funeral potatoes as “One of the Greatest American Triumphs.”
9. Be prepared.
   The ingredient list for traditional funeral potatoes is pretty simple—frozen hash browns, sour cream, canned cream of chicken soup, butter, and cornflakes—so there’s absolutely no reason you can’t keep the pantry/freezer stocked. You’ll be ready at a moment’s notice to whip up a batch. Hint: Funeral potatoes are not just for funerals.
10. We like them too.
    Even Funeralwise has a favorite recipe for funeral potatoes. Of course, we have recipes for other popular sympathy foods, too.

The post The Magic of Funeral Potatoes – 10 Fascinating Facts appeared first on Funeralwise.

Most of us know what wedding officiants do. They work with couples to design the perfect wedding ceremony and then conduct the proceedings. But did you know there are also funeral officiants—professionals who are trained to help plan and conduct funeral ceremonies? These experts are called Funeral Celebrants.

What does a Funeral Celebrant do?

Funeral Celebrants collaborate with the family to create a personalized ceremony that truly reflects the life of the person being memorialized. The celebrant gets to know the deceased by asking questions, listening to stories, and curating the information provided by the family. In designing the ceremony, they pay careful attention to the music, readings, poems, and rituals that are incorporated into the ceremony.

The Celebrant’s role during the ceremony is up to the family. In many cases, the Celebrant and family will divide the duties. For example, the Celebrant might give the eulogy and lead the songs while family members present readings and prayers.

How is a Funeral Director different from a Celebrant?

According to the National Funeral Director’s Association, the key duties of a funeral director include:

• Arranging for the removal of the deceased from the place of death
• Providing support to the bereaved during the initial stages of grief
• Preparing the body according to legal requirements and the wishes of the survivors
• Arranging and directing funeral ceremonies
• Securing information for legal documents, filing death certificates, and other legal papers
• Helping survivors when filing death benefits claims, as well as assisting them in adapting to their lives post-death

As you can see, that’s quite a broad portfolio of duties. That’s why the exact duties performed by a funeral director can vary depending on the funeral. This is especially true when it comes to acting as the funeral officiant. The funeral director may conduct the ceremony or work with a celebrant or officiant to perform the service.

The key role of a celebrant is to ensure that the funeral ceremony is personalized. Most are unaffiliated, that is to say, not directly employed by the funeral home. Their job is to focus on the funeral service or memorial ceremony. They are independent professionals who can conduct funerals at any location or within the funeral home. Unless they are also a funeral director, funeral celebrants do not handle body preparation or any of the specialized tasks that funeral directors are trained and certified to do.

Celebrants receive training and certification at organizations such as the Celebrant Foundation & Institute.

Can I use both a funeral director and a funeral celebrant?

Professional funeral celebrants are accustomed to working closely with funeral homes and are happy to do so. If you are using both, then generally, the funeral director will be responsible for transportation and care of the deceased and various organizational and administrative tasks while the celebrant takes care of the emotional and personal elements of the service. The choice between a funeral director and a funeral celebrant, or both, depends on your preferences, cultural or religious beliefs, and the specific needs of the funeral you are planning. It can also depend on regulations. When a burial is chosen, many states require that a funeral director be on hand throughout the process.

Traditional funerals where the casket is present almost always involve the services of a funeral director. If you are having the funeral at a place of worship, a clergy member will likely be involved. There are many options for where to hold memorial services because they can be held at any time following a burial or cremation. The services of a celebrant are an excellent choice for a memorial service to celebrate the life of the deceased.

What about religion?

Most celebrants are happy to design ceremonies that incorporate spiritual rituals. In fact, many clergy are also trained as celebrants.

A key reason that people like working with celebrants is that they focus on making the funeral ceremony extremely personal. If religion was important to the deceased, then, of course, it should be part of the ceremony. How active a celebrant is in conducting a funeral’s religious elements depends on your denomination. In many religions, only an ordained priest or minister can offer the rites.

So, back to the original question: Do you need both a funeral director and a funeral celebrant?

Fortunately, today, we have many options when it comes to handling funeral ceremonies. There is an important role for both the funeral director and a Professional celebrant. If your ceremony includes a funeral where the body is present, you will need the services of a funeral director. If you are having a memorial service rather than a funeral (the body is not present), then a Celebrant will be able to handle all the details.

>>Visit our Directory of Funeral Celebrants

>>Download our Guide to Using a Funeral Celebrant

>>Read: Using Funeral Celebrants

>>Read: Yes. Planning a Funeral is Like Planning a Wedding

Sources: NFDA Careers Page (https://nfda.org/careers)

The post Funeral Director or Funeral Celebrant: Do you need both? appeared first on Funeralwise.

Tips for Coping with Mother’s Day Grief

1. Acknowledge your feelings.
   Your feelings about the loss of your mother are very real. It’s important to acknowledge them and allow yourself to grieve. Don’t try to suppress your emotions or put on a brave face. Feeling sad, angry, or overwhelmed on Mother’s Day is okay. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and process them in a healthy way.
2. Connect with your loved ones.
   Surround yourself with others who understand your loss and can offer support. Reach out to family members, friends, or a support group. Sometimes talking to someone who has experienced a similar loss can be helpful. Sharing stories with others who knew her can bring back wonderful memories of her and why she was so special.
3. Create new traditions.
   If Mother’s Day has been difficult for you since your mother’s passing, consider creating new traditions to honor her memory. Light a candle in her honor, make her favorite meal, or visit a place that was special to her. Doing something that reminds you of your mother can help you feel closer to her on this day.
4. Put your feelings into words.
   Write a letter to your mother or grandmother expressing how much you miss them. If you keep a journal, writing about this special person may bring you comfort.
5. Practice self-care.
   Taking care of yourself is essential during times of grief. Make time for self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally can help you cope with the emotions on Mother’s Day. Be sure to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and drink enough water. Not only can this make you feel physically better, but you know your mother would want you to stay healthy.

Remember, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do. Spend the day doing things you enjoy. This could mean going for a long walk, spending the day watching your favorite films, or taking yourself on a day trip. Above all, If you’re struggling to cope with grief on Mother’s Day, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you work through your emotions and develop coping strategies. These professionals can also provide a safe and supportive space to express your feelings without judgment.

Contact your family, friends, and medical professionals if you need help but don’t know where to start. Your doctor, for example, may be able to recommend a grief support group or other resources to help you cope. Above all, remember that you are not alone.

Acknowledge your feelings, connect with loved ones, create new traditions, practice self-care, and seek professional help. It’s okay to feel sad. Healing takes time. Everyone’s timetable is different, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. With time and support, you can learn to cope with your grief and find ways to honor your mother’s memory on Mother’s Day and every day.

>>Learn More About Coping With Grief

The post Tips for Coping with Grief on Mother’s Day appeared first on Funeralwise.

NOT SURE IF YOUR FAMILY IS PREPARED FOR YOUR END OF LIFE?

Take our 5-minute quiz to find out.

We do get it; preparing your family for your end of life can be difficult and emotional. However, it is important to ensure that your loved ones will have the support they need when the time comes. That means you need to make sure they have access to the emotional, legal, and financial resources they need so they can get on with grieving.

Regardless of your age or personal situation, you can help your family prepare by taking a few simple steps.

1. Have an open and honest conversation.
   The first step in preparing your family is to have an open and honest conversation about your wishes and desires for the end of your life. This can be a difficult conversation to have. However, it is important to discuss your values, beliefs, and medical treatments or interventions you may or may not want.
2. Create a living will or advance directive.
   A living will or advance directive is a legal document that outlines your medical treatment preferences and end-of-life wishes. This document provides guidance to your family and healthcare providers to ensure that your wishes are respected.
3. Choose a healthcare proxy.
   A healthcare proxy is someone who can make medical decisions on your behalf if you are unable to do so. Choose someone you trust and who understands your wishes and desires. To give your loved ones the legal authority to ensure your wishes are taken into consideration, create a healthcare power of attorney.
4. Consider hospice or palliative care.
   Hospice or palliative care can provide comfort and support to you and your family during the end of life. These services can also provide emotional and spiritual support to your family members. If you haven’t discussed your feelings about hospice or palliative care with your family, making the decision if it’s necessary can be extremely difficult.
5. Create a plan for your funeral or memorial service.
   Creating a plan for your funeral or memorial service can help alleviate some of the stress and uncertainty for your family after you pass away.

Get Started

Preparing your family for your end of life is a process, and you don’t need to do it all at once. It is critical though that you have ongoing conversations with your loved ones about your wishes and desires. Getting started might be hard, but once you do, you will likely find that your family is grateful for having the opportunity to talk with you about such an important topic.

Funeralwise specializes in helping people prepare for what’s to come. We have a network of advisors who can help you take the first steps. Our funeral planning tools are free, as is a consultation with an advisor. Let us know if you’d like to talk, and we’ll make our experts available at a time that is convenient for you.

We suggest that you take our brief survey by clicking on the link above. It will help you start thinking in the right direction. When you finish the survey, we’ll send you lots of free resources to help you take the first steps. If you have any questions, just let us know by emailing support@funeralwise.com.

Related Resources

>>Talking About Your Funeral Plan

>>Are you Taking the Right Approach to Funeral Planning

The post How do I prepare my family for my end of life? appeared first on Funeralwise.

A new generation of artificial intelligence (AI) is all the rage now. AI programs have been used for years, but the latest technological breakthrough is “generative” AI programs. These new AI programs, also known as chatbots, can respond to virtually any query. They can answer questions, hold a conversation, compose essays, and even create computer code.

Predictably, major tech companies Alphabet and Microsoft are developing ways to incorporate AI into their search engines (Google and Bing, respectively). Microsoft has invested billions in the artificial intelligence company OpenAI and has already integrated OpenAI’s ChatGPT into a new version of Bing. OpenAI has already released an even better version called GPT-4. Google, Meta (Facebook) and others are countering with their own AI-enabled search tools.

As you can imagine, the possibilities are endless, and like many new technologies, it comes with many concerns. Will AI chatbots replace human beings? Will chatbots be used to spread misinformation? AI development is still in its early stages. So, how widely it will be used and what the long-term impact will remain to be seen.

Artificial Intelligence and Funerals

Here at Funeralwise, we wonder what effect chatbots will have on funerals. Can chatbots be used to write eulogies and obituaries? How will artificial intelligence assist people with funeral planning? Will they recommend the best funeral homes or the best funeral insurance policy to buy? Will they be an alternative to the hundreds of pages of information on Funeralwise.com? What do you think? Post your thoughts on AI and funerals below.

An AI Chatbot Gives Us 10 Reasons to Plan Your Funeral

We were curious what a chatbot would have to say about funeral planning so we asked GPT-4 this question: “What are the reasons I should plan my funeral before I die?”

The exact response from GPT-4 (we added the text bolding):

“Creating a funeral plan before you die can provide several benefits for both you and your loved ones. Here are some reasons why you should consider creating a funeral plan:

1. Peace of mind: Preparing a funeral plan allows you to make your wishes known, ensuring that your funeral is conducted according to your preferences. This can give you peace of mind knowing that your final wishes will be respected and carried out.
2. Financial planning: By planning your funeral in advance, you can choose the services you want and determine the associated costs. This can help you make informed decisions and potentially save money by locking in prices or selecting more affordable options.
3. Easing the burden on loved ones: Losing a loved one is an emotionally challenging time. By having a funeral plan in place, you can relieve your family and friends of the burden of making difficult decisions and planning a funeral during their time of grief.
4. Personalizing your funeral: Creating a funeral plan allows you to personalize your funeral, reflecting your beliefs, values, and interests. This can help create a meaningful and memorable service for those in attendance.
5. Avoiding family disputes: Pre-planning your funeral can help avoid potential disagreements among family members regarding your funeral arrangements, ensuring that your wishes are respected and followed.
6. Ensuring financial support: Some funeral plans include options for payment or insurance policies, which can help ensure that your family has the financial means to cover the costs associated with your funeral.
7. Legal considerations: Preparing a funeral plan can also help you address legal matters related to your estate, such as appointing an executor, drafting a will, and organizing important documents.
8. Organ donation or body donation: If you wish to be an organ donor or donate your body to science, having a funeral plan in place can help communicate your intentions and ensure that your wishes are followed.
9. Environmentally friendly options: If you are concerned about the environmental impact of traditional funerals, pre-planning allows you to explore and choose greener alternatives, such as green burial options or eco-friendly cremation options.
10. Time for reflection: Planning your funeral in advance gives you the opportunity to reflect on your life and consider what kind of legacy you want to leave behind. This process can be an important part of accepting and coming to terms with your mortality.”

What Our Funeral Planning Robots Have To Say

That’s a pretty good response from GPT-4. We’ll be keeping our eye on the effect of AI on funerals and keep you informed. In the meantime, we have our own form of AI, our funeral planning robots, Zelmo and Gizmo, to offer advice on funeral planning. Check it out!

Funeral Planning the Funeralwise Way

No need to wait for AI; you can do your funeral planning today with our Wise Planning System. Get started with our Free Quick Plan.

>>Read our article “Do Robots Deserve Funerals.”

The post Artificially Intelligent (AI) Funeral Planning appeared first on Funeralwise.

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Catherine Durkin Robinson is the owner of Anitya Doula Services. She completed the End-of-Life Doula Program at the University of Vermont and is a member of the National End of Life Doula Alliance (NEDA).

Focus on LGBTQ Funeral Planning

Death is known as the great equalizer, but equality isn’t always afforded to the dead. Many end-of-life professionals still discriminate against members of the LGBTQ+ community. That’s why it’s important, especially if you identify as a gay, trans, queer, or non-binary individual, to know your rights while alive to protect yourself after death.

Your End-of-Life Wishes

Too many people wait until a serious diagnosis to get their affairs in order. It can be overwhelming and emotional. The best time to think about and plan for end-of-life is right now, before a terminal illness, while you’re thinking clearly and rationally.

What comes first? Picking the best advocate when you can no longer speak for yourself.

A key point in your LGBTQ funeral planning is choosing carefully when considering whom to put in charge of your affairs. Whether your “next of kin” is empowered to make decisions when you’re dead or still alive but can no longer communicate, you want someone you can trust.

If your spouse is supportive, that person will be in charge.  Otherwise, think carefully. Who in your life accepts your identity or sexuality? That’s the person who can help protect your wishes.

Establish an Advance Directive outlining your end-of-life wishes. Check your state’s requirements or contact an estate attorney to help create this document. Make sure your doctor, lawyer, and loved ones get a copy.

You can assign someone as a Durable Power of Attorney, a Health Care Proxy, and/or a Funeral Agent. Ideally, this person or persons will act according to your wishes.

Pre-Planning Funerals

Call at least three funeral homes, either where you live or where you want your body to go, and talk to them about their diversity and inclusion policies. Look specifically for established businesses either owned and operated by members or allies of the LGBTQ+ community.

Pre-planning your funeral or memorial service has several benefits that include:

• Establishing your wishes.
• Making sure they’re respected and followed.
• Paying for everything ahead of time.
• Eliminating the emotional burden on your loved ones who won’t need to go through the trouble of finding an inclusive funeral director because you’ve done that yourself.
• Also, easing financial burdens on next-of-kin. 

Your Obituary

While it may not seem a critical part of LGBTQ funeral planning, you should consider how you’d like your obituary to be written. It will be the formal announcement of your death and life that people read on websites, newspapers, and social media.

What do you want it to say?

You can always write it yourself and leave instructions for the funeral director to publish it after you die. Or perhaps you’d like to ask a professional writer, doula, lawyer, or trusted friend to write one instead. Talk to them about your name, pronouns, partners, and other ways to write your obituary properly.

Don’t leave it up to someone else to take care of this. If your family doesn’t accept your identity, you must take initiative to control the narrative and get your obituary written in a way that honors you. This includes anything you might want to keep private.

Plans for Your Body

Think about how you’d like your body washed and dressed after death. Discuss this with the funeral director and care team, so everyone understands how to proceed. You can also write these instructions in your will, pre-planning documents, and advance directives.

Do you want your body or cremains buried in a cemetery?

Many privately-owned cemeteries allow people to customize their grave markers. You don’t have to use your legal name or any other information that doesn’t correctly identify you. However, official documents in the cemetery’s office will include the death certificate, which will have your legal name.

Most cemeteries accept death certificates with different names than the marker. However, if you have time to legally change your name before death, please do so. It lessens the chance of problems in the future if all documents contain the same name.

If you don’t have time to legally change your name before death, make sure you find a cemetery that allows the marker to be customized. Also, ask about any marker restrictions that include colors, sizes, or shapes. You want to be laid to rest in a place that honors all of your wishes. 

What About National Cemeteries?

Thanks to the work of countless activists, laws have been passed to ensure that LGBTQ+ veterans are eligible to be buried in military or national cemeteries. However, you will need to secure the services of a funeral director to arrange these benefits. 

Depending on where you want to be buried, you may need to provide documentation about any name change and the proper discharge paperwork. If you are married, your spousal benefits are the same as any married couple. This includes life insurance, flag presentation, full military honors, and more.

X Gender Marker

If you have the “X” gender marker on an updated birth certificate, find out if your state recognizes it. This is especially important if you changed your birth certificate in a previous state of residence that recognized it, then moved somewhere that doesn’t.  

Contact your family attorney to avoid complications with any insurance claims or legal paperwork.

Put Everything in Writing

Many different kinds of families disagree with each other about end-of-life care and funeral plans. This is especially true with given or chosen families in the LGBTQ community. They might not support or even be aware of their loved one’s sexual orientation, gender identity, name, etc.

When making plans for this stage of life, and death, be open and honest with loved ones about what you want. These types of tender talks prevent arguments and disagreements when you’re gone.

Most importantly, create written legal documents with all of this information.

When someone dies, grieving loved ones might forget or feel too overcome with emotion to think rationally. Legally binding documents with clear instructions help everyone get on the same page. Include your end-of-life care plan, funeral decisions, and other specific wishes.

To learn more about funeral planning, visit our Wise Planning Page. Our Wise Planning System has various tools that can help you with whatever kind of funeral planning you need, whether it is LGBTQ funeral planning or planning for other types of communities.

Catherine Durkin Robinson was recently featured in an article in the Chicago Tribute. Click here to read the story.

The post Funeral Planning in the LGBTQ+ Community appeared first on Funeralwise.

The short answer is: The cemetery will charge you a fee if you want a second set of remains in the space with the first set of remains (casket or urn). The fee is called the Second Right of Interment.

Let’s talk a bit more about that.

When you purchase a cemetery plot, you don’t buy the property. This is a common misconception. You actually buy the right to be buried in that piece of land. This applies to graves, mausoleum spaces, or niches for ashes. This is where the term Right of Interment comes from—you buy the right to inter remains in a particular space.

What if you want to have two bodies or two urns buried in a single space or have a casket and an urn buried together?

Depending on the cemetery, you may be able to do this. Stacking caskets would be more complicated and require a double-depth plot. These types of plots are not available at all cemeteries. Most, however, can handle two urns or a casket with an urn in one space. Of course, there is a but.

Remember we said you are paying for a Right of Interment when you purchase the plot or space. The Right of Interment is for one set of remains. If you want to bury two sets of remains, whether caskets or urns, you must pay for the Second Right of Interment.

So, you would think that since you have already paid once, the fee for the Second Right of Interment would be negligible. In some cases, this is true. However, the cemetery can charge whatever price they feel is necessary. You are more likely to find that the Second Right of Interment costs almost the same as the First Right of Interment.

The Second Right of Interment fee is up to the cemetery and can vary widely from cemetery to cemetery. It may seem unreasonable to expect you to pay for a second interment, but keep in mind that cemeteries have many operating expenses. The Second Right of Interment Fee offers them a way to cover some of these costs.

Most people agree that having to pay some fee is understandable. The trouble comes in when the price that is charged seems too high. So the real question is, is the Second Right of Interment fee reasonable?

Unlike funeral homes, there are few regulations governing cemeteries. The cemetery is not required to provide specific pricing ahead of time, and prices are not generally capped. That makes it essential that you understand precisely what you are paying for before signing the contract.

To add to the confusion over cemetery pricing, different cemeteries state their prices differently. One cemetery may bundle their right of interment with other things, such as opening and closing the grave, the cost for the tent, and refilling the grave. Others may price these items separately. 

So back to the original question, why do I have to pay to have an urn placed in a casket or have an urn placed in the grave with the casket? The answer is that cemeteries require that you purchase the right to have remains buried. The right must be purchased for each set of remains.

Make sure you know what you are paying for before signing a contract with the cemetery. If you are buying a bundle, what is included in the bundle? If everything is priced separately, is this everything you need? Are the prices “drive out,” or will there be other incidental fees that pop up? At a minimum, you will pay for the Right of Interment and opening and closing of the grave. And don’t forget, you’ll need a vault or liner, a grave marker or headstone.

The lesson here is to educate yourself about what costs a cemetery requires. If you have time, shop around. And, of course, preplanning is always smart.

>> Learn More About Making Cemetery Arrangements

The post What is a Second Right of Interment? appeared first on Funeralwise.

DOES YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?

You’ve probably heard us say that the best time to plan a funeral is before you need it. The same goes for talking about your funeral plan with your loved ones. It doesn’t do much good to have a plan in place if no one knows about it. Remember, a key reason for preplanning is to save your family from having to make difficult decisions at an emotional time. Ensuring that they know what you want is a vital part of that.

Having the Talk

The hardest part of talking about your funeral plan with your loved ones is getting started. It might be easy if there was a right or wrong way, but no luck there. The right way to start a conversation about the type of funeral you want is the one that works for your unique situation. After all, you know your loved ones best, so you are the best judge of the approach that makes both you and your family comfortable.

That said, there are things you can do to help the whole process go smoothly. In fact, you may be surprised at how receptive the people you’re talking to are. Once the awkward part is out of the way, you will probably find that they’ve wanted to have this conversation but didn’t know how to go about it.

7 Tips for Talking with Your Loved Ones About Your Funeral Plan

1. Plan in advance.
   You don’t need a script, but you should think about what you want to accomplish. Do you want to start by going through the big items like burial versus cremation, or do you want to present a detailed funeral plan? How complex you want to get impacts how much time you need and perhaps where you hold the conversation.
   
   Keep in mind that you’ve had some time to think about this conversation in advance. Your loved ones may not have, and they may be uncomfortable with the subject. Planning can help you frame the discussion to put your loved ones at ease.
   
2. Decide who to involve in the conversation.
   Deciding who you’d like to involve when talking about your funeral plan depends on your situation, family dynamics, and how much detail you plan to get into. Perhaps you only want to include the person who will be primarily responsible for taking care of your arrangements. Maybe you’d like to have your entire family involved so that everyone is on the same page.
   
3. Think about where you’d like to have the talk.
   A quiet, comfortable place works best for this kind of discussion. This can be your home, a café, a restaurant, or another spot that can accommodate the number of people you plan to have. If you think it may become emotional, your home may be best. Consider the feelings of those attending and choose a spot that will put your family at ease.
   
4. Plan how you will start the conversation.
   Think about a topic to use as a starting point. Perhaps there is a triggering event you can bring up—the funeral of someone you know, the illness of a family member, something you’ve seen in a TV show or film. This will help put your decisions in context and avoid putting your loved ones in a position where they feel blindsided.
   
   Humor and storytelling can be great ice breakers.  If those techniques work for you, take advantage of them. Your goal is to make sure that your loved ones know what you want when the time comes. The conversation shouldn’t be a comedy routine, but it also doesn’t need to be grim.
   
5. Expect questions and concerns.
   Understandably, the people who care about you may assume that something is wrong when they hear you talking about funeral arrangements. Explain what led you to think about your end-of-life arrangements, and be prepared to offer reassurances. They may also be curious about why you are making certain decisions—for example, cremation over burial. You don’t have to justify your choices, but offering a simple explanation will help to calm your family’s fears.
   
6. Anticipate emotions and pushback.
   This discussion may be easy for some and hard for others. Someone who is particularly resistant or has difficulty understanding why you want to talk about this now may appreciate being excused from the conversation. If they have significant differences with the approach you have chosen for aspects of your funeral, listen carefully to the objections and respond. If you are still in disagreement, let them know you understand their concerns but request that they honor your wishes.
   
7. Keep the Topic Open for Further Conversation
   You don’t have to cover everything in one conversation. If you or your loved ones become overwhelmed, set a day and time for a follow-up conversation. If you have one or two individuals designated to take care of the details, it may make sense to meet with them privately. For some people, working in stages is most effective. For example, the first conversation covers the big stuff, such as how you’d like your body handled (i.e., burial versus cremation). Have follow-up to cover the service you’d like and other details.

Thinking about having a conversation with your loved ones about your funeral arrangements can be daunting. Don’t worry, though; you’ve done the work of preparing a plan, so you’ve been through the most challenging part. You may be surprised at how receptive your family is. Often, those involved find the discussion rewarding. They may even share their own plans once you open the topic.

The important thing is that you get the conversation going. Don’t wait until there is a serious situation and you have to rush things. It is never too early to have the talk.

What if you haven’t started your planning or you have yet to put pen to paper?

It is essential that you get your funeral plan down on paper. Funeralwise can help. We designed our Wise Planning Solutions just for that. The Wise Planning System features a vibrant online planner. A key feature of the planner is the ability to designate a “Plan Guardian.” This is a trusted individual (or individuals) who will ensure your plan is carried out when the time comes. Our Wise Protection Plan is an all-inclusive product that helps you create a plan and fund it.

Our website is packed with resources if you would like to learn more about funeral planning and making funeral arrangements. We recommend that you take a few minutes to browse the site even if you already have a plan.

>>Plan Your Funeral BEFORE You Need It

>>Making Funeral Arrangements

>>Celebrations of Life

>>Funeral Insurance

The post Talking About Your Funeral Plan appeared first on Funeralwise.

Catherine Durkin Robinson is the owner of Anitya Doula Services. She completed the End-of-Life Doula Program at the University of Vermont and is a member of the National End of Life Doula Alliance (NEDA).

What is a death doula?

If the pandemic highlighted anything, it’s how important it is to have a good death. We’ve seen countless pictures and heard heartbreaking stories. Too many people have been dying alone. Loved ones in hospitals hooked up to machines and tubes. Those at the end of life want another way. More and more, people are making plans. They’re thinking about ways to transition peacefully amidst support and love. A death doula can help them do that.

Planning for end of life.

When someone receives a terminal diagnosis, they suddenly feel overwhelmed.

There’s so much to do. Decisions must be made that include medical treatment, getting affairs in order, and dealing with the emotional aspects of dying.

Too often, people navigating this world feel lost and alone.

Doulas live in this world. They help families sort through what they want and determine what’s most important.

Many families don’t realize an entire network of support is available. As a society, we don’t easily talk about ways to die good deaths. We aren’t even aware of what we need or when we’ll need it.

On the other hand, a growing segment of the population wants to change this. They are planning for their end of life before a diagnosis happens. They just need assistance with the details.

A properly trained death doula helps at either stage.

Death doulas serve in many ways.

As a professional end-of-life doula, I work with clients and their families. I support children, young adults, or those who’ve lived long lives. Doulas also collaborate with grief counselors, elder care attorneys, home health care agencies, and funeral homes.

Every doula is different, but most listen, companion, and validate with actively dying people. They also:

• Write obituaries. Everyone has a story to tell. This includes traditional writing for public announcements, but also for future generations to enjoy. Shortened versions can be used for eulogies, and social media posts.
• Draft advance care directives. Many doulas have experience facilitating difficult conversations. With living wills in place, caregivers are relieved to know what their loved ones want and don’t have to guess.
• Plan funerals or memorial services. We incorporate music, prayers and rituals from many different faiths.
• Connect clients and families with a wide variety of pre and post-death services. Every community has a network of ethical and supportive professionals ready to help.
• Create a warm and loving space. Doulas bring candles, rugs, pillows, and anything else that might help make the room more comfortable.
• Coordinate care. We help visitors and volunteers help in the most effective way possible. This allows clients to focus their energy visiting with loved ones.
• Work on legacy projects. Doulas can create recipe books, necklaces, life stories and other gifts to be cherished by grieving loved ones.
• Companion. Many clients don’t want to die alone. At the same time, they want their families to be able to live their lives. Doulas provide important respite care for other members of the team.
• Doulas help make this time less frightening.

When doulas sit down and explain the dying process, clients are visibly relieved. Fear and apprehension seem to dissolve. Clients begin to relax and understand that this universal experience won’t be nearly as bad as they thought.

Doulas can do this for caregivers as well.

We know what questions to ask:

• What do you want from your final days?
• How do you want to live the rest of your life?
• How do you want to die?

People loathe the idea of discussing these issues, but the actual discussion is enlightening. It often relieves tension and guilt.

A good death doula will show a family how to sit down and talk about what’s coming in the next weeks or months. We model empathy. Respect. Family members are encouraged to listen without judgment.

This isn’t easy work. But these sacred discussions allow us to understand better the people we love.

Death doulas work with the medical team.

Doctors help people stay comfortable. They provide vital care that often ensures reduced physical pain and suffering at the end of life.

At the same time, the medical team has neither the time nor the training to help with emotional or spiritual suffering. A death doula does this kind of work. We alleviate emotional pain and facilitate conversations that help people live out their days free from regret.

“I can’t afford that.”

Yes, you can.

Depending on the services you need, the time you require, and your ability to pay – many doulas operate on a sliding scale.

Good deaths are similar to good lives.

The post What is a Death Doula? appeared first on Funeralwise.