Many things can spur the need to declutter. Often, it’s a life change, such as a move to a smaller home or a divorce. For many people, however, the urge to declutter comes when they start to think about their mortality and come to the realization that you can’t take it with you.  Since the stuff isn’t going anywhere, even though you are, you might as well take care of it now. Otherwise, the task is left to those you leave behind.

How Do I Get Rid of All This Stuff?

There are countless approaches to the process of decluttering, but they all have things in common. First, you have to get started. Then comes the culling and sorting, and finally deciding where the heck all that stuff is going to go. No question it is a big job, but once you find the approach that works for you, it becomes less of a burden and more of a journey.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to declutter, only what’s most effective for you. If you have no idea where to start, take a look at three popular approaches for inspiration. Pull from them what makes sense for you, and before you know it you’ll have conquered the “stuff” and carry a lighter load.

Swedish Death Cleaning

Made popular by Swedish author Margareta Magnusson in her book “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning,” this technique focuses on preparing all of our possessions for what will happen to it after we die. The approach is refreshingly realistic since it recognizes the fact that we’ll never be fully clutter-free. Perhaps that accounts for the widespread popularity of the system.  A hallmark of Magnusson’s approach is that as you go you consider giving items to others who might need and appreciate them.  

When you undertake Swedish Death Cleaning, you start with places that are seldom used—attic spaces, hard to access closets, out of the way drawers. That way, you aren’t forced to make hard decisions about things you need every day. Stay away from things like photos until later in the process so that you don’t get stalled by going over memories.

For more on Swedish Death Cleaning, see Magnusson’s book, “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning.”

KonMari Method

If you are familiar with the KonMari Method’s founder Marie Kondo then you won’t be shocked to hear that her method emphasizes holding on to only those items that “spark joy.” As odd as it may sound, once you learn more about her process and see it in action, you’ll find that it’s not as peculiar as it sounds. If an item makes you happy or gives you a thrill of excitement, then it’s here to stay. Otherwise, out it goes. Take a pair of jeans, for example. When you hold them, how do they make you feel? Do you think about how comfortable they are, or do you remember that you can’t squeeze into them anymore? You get the picture. If they don’t make the cut, then you thank them for their service and put them in the get rid of pile.

Rather than suggest you tackle decluttering a room at a time, the KonMari Method takes items by category—clothes, furniture, toys, etc.

For more on the KonMari Method, visit Konmari.com or watch the Netflix series “Tidying Up With Marie Kondo.”

The Challenge Approach

If you are a frequent user of social media, then you may have seen one of the popular declutter challenges. They pop up most often at the first of the year. One popular challenge features a 91-day version. When you join the challenge, you receive a list of assignments to undertake for 13 weeks.  Of course, you don’t have to join someone else’s challenge, you can create your own. Get friends to join in, and before you know it you’ll be encouraging each other to clear out, sort, and give away all kinds of things you no longer need.

Regardless of the approach you decide to take, decluttering can be an extremely satisfying exercise. You’ll have less laundry to worry about, fewer trinkets to dust, and the people who are lucky to get your treasured possessions can enjoy them right away.

The post Getting Your House in Order: Decluttering Your Own Way appeared first on Funeralwise.

To help you choose a sympathy gift that will be personal and much appreciated, we have compiled a list of our 12 favorite options for comfort gifting.

12 Unique and Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts

FOOD

There are many ways to provide the gift of food to someone going through a difficult time. One popular way is to provide a meal that you prepare in your home. Our website is a good place to find some of the most popular make-ahead foods that are appropriate for a sympathy meal. Gift cards to local restaurants can also offer a nice reprieve from cooking. (See our Funeral Food recipes)

CUSTOM T-SHIRT QUILT

What could be better than having a keepsake quilt that incorporates cherished clothing items from a loved one? We don’t recommend that you remove the clothing from the home on your own. Instead, consider giving someone a gift card for a custom quilt that is made of t-shirts or other clothing items. When the time is right, they can choose the items they would most like to preserve.

WIND CHIMES

Did you know there are many beautiful options for custom memorial wind chimes? A chime is a thoughtful gift that captures musical memories all year long. Custom wind chimes are the perfect addition to a patio or garden. As a gentle breeze works to create music, memories of a loved one will be brought to mind. Adding personalization to your wind chime makes it a truly one-of-a-kind gift. 

GIFT BASKETS

Gift baskets come in all shapes and sizes. Whether you send a basket of non-perishable food items or a collection of spa treatment products, a gift basket can be a practical and thoughtful gift to show that you are thinking of someone experiencing a loss. 

MEMORY LAMPS

Memory lamps are designed with the tradition of keeping a light burning for a loved one who is no longer with us in mind. There are many beautiful designs available. Memory lamps are available in both candle and electric versions, some with a compartment for cremated remains. (See Our Selection of Memorial Tea Lights)

MEMORY TREES

Planting a tree in a loved one’s honor is a great way to create a lasting memory. A tree is a particularly thoughtful way to remember someone who appreciated nature and the environment. Trees that are to be planted in the ground are available with the growing zone in mind. Small bonsai style tabletop trees are also available. (See Our Memorial Trees)

FLOWERS

Flowers are almost always an appropriate and appreciated gesture of sympathy. With so many varieties, colors, and styles available, you are sure to find something that provides a unique and special tribute to a life well-lived. (More About Funeral Flowers)

MEMORIAL JEWELRY

When it comes to memorial jewelry there is truly something for everyone. From a tender bracelet paying tribute to Mom to a key chain to memorialize Dad, you are sure to find the perfect way to keep your memories close. Jewelry is also a popular way to commemorate a beloved pet. If you like, you can even find jewelry which allows you to keep a small amount of cremated remains with you. (See Our Memorial Jewelry)

MEMORIAL GARDEN STONES & BRICKS

Most popular for bringing comfort to someone who has lost a pet, garden stones and bricks can add a lovely accent to a special garden spot created in memory of a loved one. Stones and bricks are a wonderful way to commemorate both humans and pets. These custom items are created to your specifications and with your message become a one of a kind remembrance. (See our collection of Outddor Memorials.)

CUSTOM ARTWORK

Whether you are honoring a person or a pet, custom artwork can be the perfect way to memorialize a life well lived. There are a variety of artists from whom you can commission a piece. Just supply them a photograph and they'll create a masterpiece for you to share. One vendor we recommend for unique and beautiful black and white renderings is Charcoal and Pencil. 

HAND BLOWN GLASS

For a truly one-of-a-kind sympathy gift for yourself or a loved one, handblown glass is the perfect option. You can choose your shape, style, and color and the artist will create a unique item that brings to mind the unique spirit of the person you are honoring. For the ultimate in memorialization, include a bit of cremation ash so that your glass work will encapsulate a bit of the deceased. (See one of our favorite custom glass memorials in the Funeralwise Store.)

TIME

While it can’t be purchased in any store, you can show how much you care by giving the gift of your time. We often ask those who are grieving what we can do to help, but an unsolicited action to help in a time of need is priceless. Whether it is cutting the grass, taking care of children so someone can have an uninterrupted block of time, or handling a chore, giving of yourself is the best gift of all.

Don’t like slideshows? Here’s the full list.

Funeralwise Favorites: Sympathy Gifts

1. FOOD

   There are many ways to provide the gift of food to someone going through a difficult time. One popular way is to provide a meal that you prepare in your home. Our website is a good place to find some of the most popular make-ahead foods that are appropriate for a sympathy meal. Gift cards to local restaurants can also offer a nice reprieve from cooking. (See our Funeral Food recipes)

2. CUSTOM T-SHIRT QUILT

   What could be better than having a keepsake quilt that incorporates cherished clothing items from a loved one? We don’t recommend that you remove the clothing from the home on your own. Instead, consider giving someone a gift card for a custom quilt that is made of t-shirts or other clothing items. When the time is right, they can choose the items they would most like to preserve.

3. WIND CHIMES

   Did you know there are many beautiful options for custom memorial wind chimes? A chime is a thoughtful gift that captures musical memories all year long. Custom wind chimes are the perfect addition to a patio or garden. As a gentle breeze works to create music, memories of a loved one will be brought to mind. Adding personalization to your wind chime makes it a truly one-of-a-kind gift. 

4. GIFT BASKETS

   Gift baskets come in all shapes and sizes. Whether you choose to send a basket of non-perishable food items or a collection of spa treatment products, a gift basket can be a practical and thoughtful gift to show that you are thinking of someone who is experiencing a loss.

5. MEMORY LAMPS

   Memory lamps are designed with the tradition of keeping a light burning for a loved one who is no longer with us in mind. There are many beautiful designs available. Memory lamps are available in both candle and electric versions, some with a compartment for cremated remains. (See Our Selection of Memorial Tea Lights)

6. MEMORY TREES

   Planting a tree in a loved one’s honor is a great way to create a lasting memory. A tree is a particularly thoughtful way to remember someone who appreciated nature and the environment. Trees that are to be planted in the ground are available with the growing zone in mind. Small bonsai style tabletop trees are also available. (See Our Memorial Trees)

7. FLOWERS

   Flowers are almost always an appropriate and appreciated gesture of sympathy. With so many varieties, colors, and styles available, you are sure to find something that provides a unique and special tribute to a life well-lived. (More About Funeral Flowers)

8. MEMORIAL JEWELRY

   When it comes to memorial jewelry, there is truly something for everyone. From a tender bracelet paying tribute to Mom to a key chain to memorialize Dad, you are sure to find the perfect way to keep your memories close. Jewelry is also a popular way to commemorate a beloved pet. If you like, you can even find jewelry that allows you to keep a small amount of cremated remains with you. (See Our Memorial Jewelry)

9. MEMORIAL GARDEN STONES

   Most popular for bringing comfort to someone who has lost a pet, garden stones and bricks can add a lovely accent to a special garden spot created in memory of a loved one. Stones and bricks are a wonderful way to commemorate both humans and pets. These custom items are created to your specifications and, with your message, become a one-of-a-kind remembrance. (See our selection of outdoor memorials.)

10. CUSTOM ARTWORK

    Whether you are honoring a person or a pet, custom artwork can be the perfect way to memorialize a life well lived. There are a variety of artists from whom you can commission a piece. Just supply them with a photograph, and they’ll create a masterpiece for you to share. One vendor we recommend for unique and beautiful black and white renderings is Charcoal and Pencil.  

11. HANDBLOWN GLASS

    For a truly one-of-a-kind sympathy gift for yourself or a loved one, handblown glass is the perfect option. You can choose your shape, style, and color, and the artist will create a unique item that brings to mind the unique spirit of the person you are honoring. For the ultimate memorialization, include a bit of cremation ash so that your glasswork will encapsulate a bit of the deceased. (See one of our favorite custom glass memorials in the Funeralwise Store.)

12. TIME

    While it can’t be purchased in any store, you can show how much you care by giving the gift of your time. We often ask those who are grieving what we can do to help, but an unsolicited action to help in a time of need is priceless. Whether it is cutting the grass, taking care of children so someone can have an uninterrupted block of time, or handling a chore, giving of yourself is the best gift of all.

The post FUNERALWISE FAVORITES: 12 Unique and Thoughtful Sympathy Gifts appeared first on Funeralwise.

It may not be a conscious decision to pass this responsibility over to your family. Most likely it’s something you don’t want to think about, so you put it off, and then the unexpected happens and your family is saddled with the task of making your final arrangements. Or you may tell your family that you don’t want a funeral — but is that really helping them?

To Plan or Not to Plan

Before you decide to leave your funeral planning for another day, or to leave it to your family, here are 5 things you should consider.

1. It isn’t just about you. Your funeral is vitally important for your family’s emotional well-being. They need to mourn and to give you a meaningful tribute. The funeral of a loved one is an essential milestone in the healing process. It’s a time to remember, say goodbye, and begin moving on. Telling your family that you don’t want a funeral does not make it easier on them. Instead it gives rise to indecision and doubt because they won’t know whether to honor that wish or do what they feel is most appropriate and that may be to give you a funeral.
2. It’s much easier with a plan. Making arrangements at the time of the funeral is the most difficult time to plan a funeral. Decisions need to be made quickly and emotions are running high. Under stress and time pressure it’s easy to overspend and to take shortcuts on the ceremonies. Having a funeral plan in place will be a great help to your family when the time comes to make your funeral arrangements.
3. Your plan doesn’t need to be complicated. Even a simple funeral plan will be very helpful to your family. By specifying your wishes, even in basic terms, you will give your family a road map for planning your funeral. It avoids disagreements and guides the decisions and choices they will need to make.
4. Payment is due at the time of the funeral. If you haven’t made arrangements in advance to cover your funeral costs, your family will be responsible for paying the bills. Will they be able to cover the cost? Will they have access to your bank accounts?
5. Funeral planning doesn’t have to be difficult. When you are planning ahead you can take advantage of funeral planning tools that make it easy to do it yourself. You can do your research, get step-by-step guidance and do it at your convenience in much the same way you shop for other products and services using the web.

Funeral Planning — Quick, Easy and Free

It feels good to take care of something important, especially if you’ve been putting it off. Creating a funeral plan is one of those things that you’ll feel good about getting done. It’s easy to get started with our Funeral Quick Plan. You can create a basic funeral plan in just a few minutes. It’s FREE and there’s NO OBLIGATION. So why wait? Get started now.

Try Our Quick Plan

Plan your funeral the Funeralwise way. Watch this short video to see how.

Learn more about funeral planning.

The post 5 Things You Need to Know About Planning a Funeral appeared first on Funeralwise.

What organizations need to be notified when a loved one dies?
Depending upon your particular circumstances, the following notifications should be made when someone dies. Copies of the Death Certificate may be needed for some of these.

• Employers — to make them aware of the death and determine if any death benefits are available.
• Attorney — to commence estate or probate proceedings.
• Insurance companies — to apply for benefits, change, or stop coverage. Also, policy beneficiaries may need to be changed.
• Social Security Administration — to apply for survivor benefits.
• Veteran’s Administration — to apply for benefits.
• Pension plans or retirement funds — to apply for benefits
• Workman’s compensation if the death was job-related.
• Unions and fraternal organizations — to apply for benefits
• Banks and other financial institutions — to change or re-establish accounts. Be aware that, once the institution has been notified of the death, some accounts and lockboxes may not be accessible to you without approval of the Probate Court.
• Stock brokerage firm — to change ownership of jointly or solely owned stocks, bonds, mutual funds, etc.
• Mortgage companies and other lenders — to change or re-establish accounts.
• Credit card companies — to change or re-establish joint accounts.
• Department of Motor Vehicles — to change the title to cars and other vehicles. Do the same for watercraft with the appropriate agency.
• Religious, social, civic, fraternal, alumni, and other organizations — to make them aware of the death so they can make the roster change and notify members.
• Utility, telephone, cable, newspaper, and other services — to change accounts from the deceased’s name.

• Accountant/tax preparer — to provide the information they’ll need to file the tax returns.

Death Certificates

A death certificate is issued by local authorities when a person dies. It serves as evidence that someone has died and is needed for various purposes, including claiming life insurance benefits, closing bank and investment accounts, transferring titles, and claiming social security survivor benefits. Generally, your funeral home will request copies of Death Certificates for you.

A certificate of death should be on file in the governing locality where the death occurred. Death records are kept permanently on file either in a State vital statistics office or a city/county office. The Federal Government does not maintain death records.

You may be able to obtain copies of the death certificate by visiting the local office where the death occurred, such as the County Recorder’s Office or Local Health Department. Your other option is to apply to the State’s Vital Records office. To find the State office for Vital Records, go to the Centers for Disease Control website at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/howto/w2w/w2welcom.htm for contact information and application requirements for each State.

You will need the following information when applying for a copy of a Death Certificate:

1. Full name of the deceased person whose record is being requested.
2. Sex of the deceased.
3. Parents’ names, including mother’s maiden name.
4. Month, day, and year of birth.
5. Month, day, and year of death.
6. Place of birth or death (city, county, state; and hospital name if known.
7. Reason for requesting copies of the Death Certificate.
8. Applicant’s relationship to the deceased.

A small fee is charged for copies of Death Certificates. Sometimes you can get copies quickly by paying an expedite fee.

Claiming Death Benefits

What types of death benefits are available to help cover funeral costs?

Financial assistance may be available from Social Security, the Veteran’s Administration, retirement plans, and other organizations such as unions and fraternal organizations. In some cases, the deceased’s family members may be eligible for a lump-sum death payment from Social Security. In most states, some public aid assistance is available from the state, county, or city. Funeral Directors can help gather the information needed to apply for the applicable death benefits.

What death benefits are available to veterans?

Veterans’ benefits are available to U.S. Armed Forces members who die on active duty. They are also available to those who were separated from active duty, not dishonorably discharged, and completed the required period of service. Spouses and dependent children of eligible living and deceased veterans and armed forces members may also be eligible.

Veteran’s Benefits include:

• Free burial grave in a national cemetery plus opening/closing the grave and perpetual care
• Free headstones and markers
• Burial flag
• Free grave liner for casketed remains
• Presidential Memorial Certificate
• Lump-sum payment up to $300 to families of eligible retiree veterans and up to $1,500 for veterans who die of a service-related disability.

For additional information, call the Veterans’ Affairs office at 800-827-1000 or log on to their website at www.va.gov.

What death benefits are available from Social Security?
To be eligible for Social Security benefits, the deceased worker must have credit for work covered by Social Security, ranging from one and one half to ten years depending on the age at death.

Monthly benefits are available for:

• A widow or widower age 60 or older (50 if disabled), or at any age if caring for an entitled child who is under 16 or disabled.
• A divorced widow or widower age 60 or older (50 if disabled) if the marriage lasted ten years, or if caring for an entitled child who is under 16 or disabled.
• Unmarried children under age 18 and age 19 if they are attending a primary or secondary school full time.
• Children who were disabled before reaching 22, as long as they remained disabled.
• Dependent parent or parents 62 or older.

Lump-Sum Death Payment

A one-time payment of $255 is paid in addition to the monthly cash benefits described above. The lump-sum death payment is paid in the following priority order:

• 1. A surviving spouse who lived in the same household as the deceased person at the time of death.
  2. A surviving spouse is eligible for social security benefits on the deceased’s earnings record for the month of death.
  3. Children eligible for benefits for the month of death when there is no surviving spouse.

An application must be filed to receive benefits. You may apply at any Social Security office or, if you wish, you may apply by telephone. Just call 1-800-772-1213. More information is available by logging on to the Social Security Administration website at www.ssa.gov.

The post What Things Must I Do After the Funeral? appeared first on Funeralwise.

Depending on local regulations, funerals that occur soon after death may not require embalming. Embalming is a method of temporarily preserving the body to:

• Make it easier to transport the body over a long distance.
• Give survivors ample time to schedule and hold funeral services.

Refrigeration can also preserve the body, but it’s not always available. If it’s necessary to transport unembalmed remains, they may be packed in ice. Laws in most states require that the deceased be embalmed or placed in refrigeration within 24 hours of death. Federal law prohibits funeral providers from misrepresenting the legal necessity of embalming.

2. How should the deceased be dressed?

The deceased can be dressed according to their wishes. If no preference was prearranged, apparel is usually chosen by the family. Often a favorite suit or dress is selected, as well as jewelry and eyewear. On the other hand, family members may purchase an entirely new outfit for their loved ones. Religious practices may dictate that a simple garment be used for burial. Of course, articles of clothing and jewelry can be worn for visitation and funeral ceremonies and then removed for burial.

3. Should any personal items be buried with the deceased?

Personal items can be buried with the deceased according to their wishes or those of the family. Some caskets have unique drawers to hold jewelry, medals, awards, or mementos.

4. Why should a DNA sample be taken before interment?

Advances in genetic research and technology make it possible to create a unique genetic profile of each of us from our DNA. Many scientists believe that many, if not all, diseases and disorders are rooted in our genes. The genetic history of a family can be used to assess a predisposition to certain diseases among current family members and future descendants. This valuable information can be used to prevent and treat diseases and disabilities. A DNA profile may also be used to establish parentage, which may help resolve estate issues.

Your Funeral Director can help you make arrangements with a firm specializing in DNA profiling. The best time to take the sample is before interment. And if cremation is performed, the opportunity to sample
the DNA will be lost.

5. Under what circumstances should an autopsy be performed?

An autopsy is a post-mortem examination of the body, both externally and internally, to diagnose disease and injury and determine the cause of death. Autopsies may also include laboratory analysis of tissue, cell samples, and body fluids. Pathologists and forensic pathologists are medical specialists trained to perform autopsies.

An autopsy may be ordered by the coroner or medical examiner to determine the cause or manner of death or to recover potential evidence, such as a bullet or alcohol content in the blood. Families may elect to have an autopsy performed to identify any diseases that may be inherited, thereby posing a potential risk for family members. Also, a family may authorize a hospital autopsy to determine the extent of the known disease and assess the effects of therapies used to treat the condition. This would be beneficial from a medical research standpoint.

The post 5 Questions: Preparing the Deceased for Burial or Cremation appeared first on Funeralwise.

Dear Jane,

A long time ago, I remember being quietly angry with people who would say things to me like, “He’s in a better place,” “You’re young, you’ll find someone else,” or “I know exactly how you feel, because my beloved [fill in the blank] passed away.” The truth is, the only place you want for your husband right now is right there beside you, you don’t want to think about finding anyone else, and nobody – not even someone else who lost her husband – knows how YOU feel.

I’ve been in your place, but I can’t know how you feel. I didn’t know your dear husband, but if you loved him, he must have been a spectacular man and worthy of praise. And now you are going to bed alone and probably waking up each morning with the stark realization that no, it wasn’t a bad dream, and you aren’t going to wake up from it. The memorial service was probably, in some ways, the second-worst day of your life. I do know that feeling. But things will get better, I promise.

I wish I had the perfect words to make it okay for you and your kids, but those of us on the outside of this tragedy and looking in just do the best we can, saying those awkward words with love, hugging and holding you, and praying for you. And being who you are, you will be strong for your kids, you will be gracious and smile and hide a lot of your hurt inside because, well, you probably think that’s what people expect.

Go ahead and be sad, scream and rail against God, ask him why, be miserable for a while, or even get mad at him. He can take it. And don’t let anyone else’s expectations about how you should be acting or reacting or feeling or thinking have anything to do with the reality of what you are doing or how you’re feeling. Just be who God made you to be in this situation.

You may feel like talking about those final days or hours with your husband over and over. It’s been almost 10 years, but until very recently, I still felt that need like a hammer. It can help to talk it out, go over the details one more time or a dozen more times, and just tell what happened to someone who will simply listen. That’s normal, but you can’t always find someone to do the listening part.

Here’s what I would like to offer – may I take you to lunch or dinner or coffee and just listen, or share, or talk about whatever strikes your fancy at the time? And laugh a little, because that’s healing too. I’m not wanting to tell you my story, because this is your time, not mine, and another thing that really annoyed me was people who intruded on my grief by telling me all about their own loss. I just wasn’t ready for it, and I resented it. That’s also normal.

I don’t know how long it will take you to “heal,” if that’s even possible when you lose a spouse. Nobody can rush you into healing or fix what’s wrong. Take your time. Whether it’s tomorrow or next week or six months from now, if and when you are ready, please get in touch.

With love,
J.M.

The post What do you say to a friend whose spouse has passed? appeared first on Funeralwise.