From time-to-time, we like to step back and take stock of where we came from, where we are, and where we’re headed. Little did we know when we started back in 2000 as a simple website, that today we’d be the leader in providing funeral-related information. Our website has served over 17 million users and more than 8,000 active funeral planners.

As thrilled as we are with how far we’ve come, we don’t plan to stop here. In the coming months, we’ll be letting you know about exciting enhancements to our planner and a more mature slate of product offerings.

As we work to make Funeralwise even more responsive to your needs, we want to take a moment to say something. Thank you! Thank you for taking advantage of our free resources, shopping in our memorial store, and asking questions.

So keep your eyes open over the next few months as we begin to roll out awesome new features and products. We look forward to continuing to work with you to help you navigate the often tricky world of funerals and funeral planning.

OUR MEMORIAL STORE

If you haven’t seen our online memorial products store recently, it’s time to take a fresh look.

We’ve added new lines of urns for both people and pets and we continue to add unique jewelry and keepsake items monthly.

Besides urns, our store carries a variety of keepsakes that are perfect as gifts for yourself or a loved one. And don’t forget to use our special THANKS10 discount code.

>>VISIT THE STORE

CALCULATING FUNERAL COSTS

We recently released a brand new version of our Final Expense Calculator for people who don’t yet use our Wise Planning System.

This important tool allows you to get a real-time estimate of how much money you will need at end-of-life. Give the calculator a try and feel free to share it.

If you already use our planner you have access to the calculator from within your plan.

>>TRY THE CALCULATOR

FUNERAL FOOD

Whether it’s a sympathy meal or a dish for a funeral reception potluck, a home-cooked meal lets others know we’re thinking of them and we want to help.

There are hundreds of delicious funeral recipes appropriate for sharing, but without a doubt, Funeral Potatoes is the rock star of the funeral food world. That’s why we’re showing a little love to this all-time favorite.

>>10 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT FUNERAL POTATOES

PET LOSS: WHAT NOT TO SAY

Comforting a friend or loved one who has lost a beloved pet can be tricky. It’s hard to know what to say, and the last thing you want to do is say or something that will add to the pain.

To help you offer words of comfort, we’ve gathered some great tips for things you can say that will show your support and understanding. Take a look and share with others who might need advice on the topic.

>>WHAT NOT TO SAY WHEN SOMEONE LOSES A PET

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING ABOUT US

If you haven’t gotten an invitation and you’d like to share your opinion, email us at support@funeralwise.com. To see more reviews, click on the stars below.

DON’T HAVE A PLAN YET? Why not take a few minutes to get started today. (Click Here)

ALREADY HAVE A PLAN? Take a few minutes to make sure it’s up-to-date. (Click Here)

Funeralwise.com is the place to go on the web for everything you need to know about funerals. Whether you are planning a funeral or attending one, we will provide you with straight-forward answers to your questions and step-by-step instructions to guide you on your way.

The post The Best is Yet to Come appeared first on Funeralwise.

If you have ever lost a pet, then you know how difficult it can be. For many people, the grief can be as intense as that experienced when losing a family member.

As a friend or loved one, it can be hard to know what to say or do to help someone who is experiencing this type of grief–especially if you’re not a pet person. But even if you can’t identify with what it feels like to lose a beloved furry family friend, you can be compassionate and offer your support.

Keep in mind that everyone handles grief differently. Remember, too, that even if you have been through the experience of losing a pet, it may not be the same for the person you are trying to comfort. A natural reaction is to try to compare your experience with theirs and offer advice on how you got through it. Avoid this temptation, though, since it may make the person feel as if you are minimizing their loss. Don’t try to change the subject and don’t make jokes in order to make the person feel better. This can backfire and end up making things worse.

>> Related Reading: Don’t Cheer Me Up!

Pet Loss: What to Say To a Grieving Friend or Loved One

It is never easy to know what to say to someone who is grieving. You want to acknowledge their loss and let them know that if they’d like to talk about it, you are there to listen. Words like “I am so sorry for your loss” or simply “I’m so sorry,” are a good place to start. Asking them to tell you about the pet so that they know you are a willing listener can also be a good way to start the conversation. Be sure to refer to the animal by name so that your inquiry is personalized and acknowledges the importance of the loss.

If you are at a loss for words, let the person know that you realize there is nothing you can say that will make them feel better but you want them to know that you are there for them for as long as it takes. Of course, you should mean what you say! Check in with them from time to time to see if there is anything you can do and let them know you are thinking of them.

Sending A Condolence Card When A Pet Has Died

Regardless of the circumstances, sending a card to express your condolences when someone has lost a pet will be appreciated. Receiving the card will let your friend or family member know you are thinking about them and that you appreciate the pain they might be experiencing. You don’t have to write a long letter. Just a few words to express how you are feeling will be enough.

>> SAY THIS, NOT THAT! WHEN SOMEONE LOSES A PET

Ideas for Pet Condolence Card Messages

• Thinking about you and [pet’s name]. If there is anything you need just let me know.
• We can never keep them long enough! You are in our thoughts and prayers.
• Wishing you comfort and peace during this difficult time.
• I am so sorry for your loss. [Pet’s name] will be greatly missed.
• [Pet’s name] was such a great [dog/cat/etc.]. He/she was lucky to have chosen you as his family.
• Losing such an important part of the family is never easy. I’m thinking about you. Don’t hesitate to call me if you’d like to talk.
• I know you miss [pet’s name] terribly. I’m thinking about you and sending thoughts and prayers.
• You and [pet’s name] were so lucky to have found each other. He/she will be greatly missed.

Other Ways to Show Support

If you would like to do a little something more than just send a card, there are things you can do. Here are a few ideas.

• Send a memorial gift such as a personalized wind chime, jewelry, or garden stone
• Send flowers or a plant
• Donate in the pet’s name to a pet assistance organization or shelter

Regardless of what you do, you should keep an eye open to make sure that the person you are offering your condolences to is not in any danger. If you feel they may need professional help to navigate their grief, offer contact information on support groups in your area. Our Pet Loss Resources page is a good place to start. There are many hotlines that are ready to take calls when needed. We also offer general information on how to handle grief on our Path to Healing page.

The post What to Say to Someone Whose Pet has Died appeared first on Funeralwise.

To avoid some of the most common mistakes people make when comforting a friend or loved one who has lost a pet, review our “say this, not that” list.

How we feel when losing a treasured pet can be complicated and not everyone understands how difficult it can be, especially if they have never gone through it. For more information on dealing with the loss of a pet or helping someone recover, visit our Pet Loss Page.

Related Reading:

Coping with Grief after Death of a Pet

Helping Others Grieve

Don’t like slideshows? Here’s the full list.

Pet Loss: Say This, Not That

DON’T SAY:  It’s not like you lost a child.
–>INSTEAD SAY: I know you cared very much for [pet’s name].

DON’T SAY: Oh well, it was only a dog.
–>INSTEAD SAY: You must miss [pet’s name] very much. He/she was part of the family.

DON’T SAY: So, when are you getting another animal?
–>INSTEAD SAY: What can I do to help?

DON’T SAY: He’s better off now. It’s for the best.
–>INSTEAD SAY: You did everything you could.

DON’T SAY: You’ll feel better soon.
–>INSTEAD SAY: He/she was so lucky to have you.

DON’T SAY: I know exactly how you feel. 
–>INSTEAD SAY: Tell me more about [pet’s name].

DON’T SAY: You must feel awful. 
–>INSTEAD SAY: She/he couldn’t have asked for a better owner.

DON’T SAY: Get over it. 
–>INSTEAD SAY: I’m so sorry.

DON’T SAY: Don’t cry. 
–>INSTEAD SAY: Why don’t you tell me how you’re feeling?

DON’T SAY: It’s a good thing you have other animals. 
–>INSTEAD SAY: It’s totally understandable that you are grieving right now.

The post Say This, Not That! When Someone Loses A Pet appeared first on Funeralwise.

There are many sayings that pertain to pet loss. We have compiled some of the most popular. We have also provided several narrative passages that can offer meaning in times of difficulty. These can be useful if you are preparing passages for use during a pet memorial service.

Examples of Loss of a Pet Quotes

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.  –Roger Caras

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. –Will Rogers

I know for certain that we never lose people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought, and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love. – Leo Buscaglia

All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. – St. Francis of Assisi

Nobody can fully understand the meaning of love unless he’s owned a dog. A dog can show you more honest affection with a flick of his tail than a man can gather through a lifetime of handshakes. – Gene Hill

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. – Mark Twain

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it. – Amy Sedaris

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. – James Herriot

I guess you don’t really own a dog, you rent them, and you have to be thankful that you had a long lease. – Joe Garagiola

Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love, they depart to teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog, it merely expands the heart. If you have loved many dogs your heart is very big.  – Erica Jong

If I have any beliefs about immortality it is that certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very very few people. – James Thurber

No heaven will not ever Heaven be. Unless my cats are there to welcome me. – Anonymous

The dog is a gentleman. I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s. – Mark Twain

Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day. – John Grogan

Dogs die. But dogs live, too. Right up until they die, they live. They live brave, beautiful lives. They protect their families. And love us. And make our lives a little brighter. And they don’t waste time being afraid of tomorrow. – Dan Gemeinhart

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. – Josh Billings

I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time. – Neil Gaiman, English author

A home without a cat — and a well fed, well petted and properly revered cat — may be a home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? –Mark Twain, American author

No one can truly understand the bond we form with our cats we love until they experience the loss of one. – Unknown

Animals have come to mean so much in our lives. We live in a fragmented and disconnected culture. Politics are ugly, religion is struggling, technology is stressful, and the economy is unfortunate. What’s one thing that we have in our lives that we can depend on? A dog or a cat loving us unconditionally, every day, very faithfully. – Jon Katz

While they are not specifically loss of a pet quotes, we have additional quotes related to grief located on our Quotes to Read for a Funeral Service page.

Examples of Loss of a Pet Readings

Rainbow Bridge 

Author unknown. Source: Abigail Van Buren,  Arizona Republic,  February 20, 1994

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. They frolic and romp all day with one another.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing. They each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They run and play together until the day comes when one of them suddenly stops playing and looks off into the distance. The nose twitches. The ears are up. The bright eyes are intent. The eager body quivers. Suddenly this one runs from the group, faster and faster, leaping and flying over the tall green grass.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you take him or her in your arms and embrace, clinging together in joyous reunion. Happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your cherished pet, so long gone from your life, but never absent from your heart.

And with your pet beside you once again, you cross the Rainbow Bridge together.

Where to Bury A Dog

by Ben Hur Lampman

There are various places within which a dog may be buried. We are thinking now of a setter, whose coat was flame in the sunshine, and who, so far as we are aware, never entertained a mean or an unworthy thought. This setter is buried beneath a cherry tree, under four feet of garden loam, and at its proper season the cherry strews petals on the green lawn of his grave. Beneath a cherry tree, or an apple, or any flowering shrub of the garden, is an excellent place to bury a good dog. Beneath such trees, such shrubs, he slept in the drowsy summer, or gnawed at a flavorous bone, or lifted head to challenge some strange intruder. These are good places, in life or in death. Yet it is a small matter, and it touches sentiment more than anything else.

For if the dog be well remembered, if sometimes he leaps through your dreams actual as in life, eyes kindling, questing, asking, laughing, begging, it matters not at all where that dog sleeps at long and at last. On a hill where the wind is unrebuked and the trees are roaring, or beside a stream he knew in puppyhood, or somewhere in the flatness of a pasture land, where most exhilarating cattle graze. It is all one to the dog, and all one to you, and nothing is gained, and nothing lost — if memory lives. But there is one best place to bury a dog. One place that is best of all.

If you bury him in this spot, the secret of which you must already have, he will come to you when you call — come to you over the grim, dim frontiers of death, and down the well-remembered path, and to your side again. And though you call a dozen living dogs to heel they should not growl at him, nor resent his coming, for he is yours and he belongs there.

People may scoff at you, who see no lightest blade of grass bent by his footfall, who hear no whimper pitched too fine for mere audition, people who may never really have had a dog. Smile at them then, for you shall know something that is hidden from them, and which is well worth the knowing.

The one best place to bury a good dog is in the heart of his master.

Eulogy for a Companion Animal

Author Unknown

Our Father in heaven, we thank you for all creation, for flowers of field and garden, for friends and family voices, and especially for our faithful friend and constant companion, [pet஡me].

This beloved pet, though unable to speak, told us in many ways that we were loved by one of Your creation. It has been said that actions speak louder than words. In many ways, [petÍŠ name] spoke of his/her constant love, respect and loyalty to us. Would that mankind could do likewise.

We have come here to say farewell to a true friend and loving member of our household. We thank You, Lord, for sending us this beloved companion. [Pet’s name] will not be forgotten.

The post Loss of a Pet Quotes and Readings appeared first on Funeralwise.

Attending funeral services can raise a host of questions. The first question that will come up is, should you attend the funeral? Unless the obituary says it’s a private service, then you can assume the public is welcome, and you should go.

Until you’ve lost a family member yourself, you won’t understand what a comfort it is to the family to see “a full church [and] the pews packed with people who also care for and remember the deceased. … The family knows that attending a funeral is inconvenient, and that’s why they’ll never forget that you came.” (from The Art of Manliness)

Funerals today range from the rigidly ritualistic to the extremely informal. Don’t let fear of the unknown keep you from attending funeral services. Even if the services are for someone of another faith, your presence is appreciated. If necessary, the funeral director or clergy will tell the mourners what to do and when. (For a glimpse of the differences, see Funeral Customs.)

Attending Funeral Services: Arrive early.

• Services often are delayed because of the people who show up five minutes before the starting time and find they have to park a block away and then try to find a seat, perhaps after the service has already started.
• If there is a registry or guestbook, be sure to sign it with your first and last names and, if appropriate, your relationship to the deceased (“co-worker,” “friend,” “colleague,” “college roommate”). It is important to the family to see who attended the service, and they may use the registry to send thank-you notes.
• Don’t try to seek out the family before the service; if you find that they are greeting people, keep your interaction brief and find your seat quickly. Sit toward the front only if you are a member of the family; close friends generally sit behind the family, while those who are co-workers or acquaintances sit further back or in the rear.

Attending Funeral Services: Be respectful.

• Don’t chat with those around you or eat or drink anything.
• Turn off your cell phone. Resist the temptation to check your text messages. Unless you have a dire emergency, stay for the entire service.
• If you brought small children who start making noise or causing a distraction, take them outside immediately.
• Tears are normal and expected at a funeral; however, if you find yourself crying uncontrollably, in a manner that would be upsetting to others or call undue attention to yourself, it is best to excuse yourself from the service until you can gain control.
• An open microphone for sharing memories of the deceased is sometimes available at memorial services. If you decide to participate, keep your remarks respectful and brief. Long-winded or off-color stories are inappropriate.
• At a religious service, whether or not you agree with the rituals, try to go along to the best of your ability. Your cooperation shows respect for the deceased and the bereaved family rather than agreement with the religion.
• If the funeral is an open casket service, there often will be an opportunity to file past the casket at the end of the service. If this is something you don’t feel you can do, you may gracefully and unobtrusively slip out.

Attending Funeral Services: Photography.

There are very few reasons for taking pictures when attending funeral services. In some religious traditions, any type of recording device is forbidden at a funeral (see Funeral Customs). Even if custom doesn’t forbid photography, taking photos can be seen as an invasion of privacy.

• If you have been specifically requested by the family to photograph the service—perhaps because certain family members couldn’t attend—do so with the utmost discretion, using natural light if possible rather than a flash, and avoiding close-up photos of grieving people.
• Etiquette demands extreme respect for others; keep this tenet in mind when taking photos. Be particularly aware of what is in your background when taking photos. It is quite easy to catch a mourner in a moment that they would not like to have published.
• Photographing the deceased in the casket, unless the family has asked you to do so, is generally considered in very poor taste.

Attending Funeral Services: Visitations.

If you were close to the deceased or the family, it is customary to visit the family upon learning of the death.

• This visit may be at the family home, at the funeral home, or at another designated place chosen by the family.
• If you knew the deceased but not the family, be sure to introduce yourself by first and last name and let them know what your relationship was to their loved one: “I am Heather Jones, and I worked closely with Suzanne at XYZ. She was a dear friend and colleague. I am so sorry.”
• If visiting at the funeral home, take a moment to stand by the casket (if it is present) to pay your respects, whether you offer a silent prayer or simply reflect. Greet the family either before or after you pause at the casket, depending on if the family is occupied when you arrive.
• Be sure to sign the guestbook or registry if one is available.
• A formal, scheduled visitation period may include a prayer or a brief service; it is impolite to leave in the middle of it.
• It is appropriate to bring along a card with a personal note and flowers or a basket garden, although flowers are not customary for all religious beliefs and ethnicities (see Funeral Customs). Flowers should always be in a vase to relieve the family of the burden of locating one.
• If visiting at the family’s home, you may want to take along a re-heatable casserole or other dish. It’s wise to call first to see whether such help is desired. Close friends of the family may offer to take on some household chore. If your visit comes at a time when many others are visiting, see if you can serve coffee or help in other behind-the-scenes ways to make the family available to receive callers.
• Keep your visit brief, unless you are lending a hand or are encouraged by the family to stay longer. After you have expressed your heartfelt sympathy, asked if you can help in a meaningful way, and perhaps offered a warm memory or two, leave. This is not the time to “hang out,” talk about your own bereavement or catch up on old times.

Attending Funeral Services: Wake.

• A wake is similar to a visitation and can be a celebration of life complete with singing, libations, and laughter as mourners share their memories of the departed. When you arrive, it’s proper to go directly to the family to offer your condolences before joining the other mourners.
• Remember, even though there may be a party atmosphere, the primary purpose of a wake is to comfort the bereaved and remember their loved one.

Attending Funerals: Questions and Answers.

Contributor: Jenny Mertes

The post Attending Funeral Services: Your Funeral Etiquette Questions Answered appeared first on Funeralwise.

When the time actually comes, the feeling of helplessness that comes with being a caregiver may be replaced with one of guilt since there may also be a feeling a relief. At the same time, caregivers and families may feel empty with the daily challenges of caring for their loved ones. Remember, the person you are trying to help has been through a long and difficult process. This grief is complicated and the loved ones experiencing it need support and understanding.

Terminal Illness Death: What NOT to do…

• Don’t stay away: Be available, loving, and non-judgemental. If the person who is grieving was the primary caregiver, he or she may be feeling particularly lost since their sense of purpose and structure is gone. You can help by spending time with them and providing a listening ear.
• Don’t avoid talking about the deceased: Refer to the deceased by name, acknowledge their life, and encourage the grieving person to talk about their loved one.
• Don’t bring up other people’s losses: Let friends and family focus on their loss.
• Don’t say…
  • “I know just how you feel.”
  • “Stay busy to take your mind off things.”
  • “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”
  • “At least he/she is no longer suffering.”

Terminal Illness Death: What to do…

• Encourage the person to talk about the deceased: The person may want to share stories about their loved one, talk about the circumstances surrounding the death, and their plans for the future. Don’t press for details unless the person wants to discuss it but be there to listen.
• Encourage the family to plan a memorial: If you are an appropriate person to do so, encourage the loved ones to plan a wake, funeral, or burial. By all means, assist with the arrangements if you are in a position to do so.
• Help make arrangements or do chores: Offering assistance is good but is often declined. Instead, proactively take care of a chore such as lawn care, cooking, cleaning, or transportation. Offer assistance with children or pets.
• Keep in touch: Many times, friends will disperse after the service and the bereaved may find themselves alone. Family, especially caregivers, will need to replace the emptiness with new activities. Be there for them when they are ready.
• Send flowers with a note or offer a donation to an appropriate charity or research organization: Thoughtful acknowledgments are almost always appreciated. Below are samples of the types of sentiments you can include.
  • “He/She was such a fine person.”
  • “What you’re going through must be very difficult.”
  • “I’m saddened by your loss. We care and love you deeply.”
• Find out about support groups: If you are in a position to do so, ask a support group leader to call the grieving parents to talk or pass along the contact information to the family.

The most important thing you can do to help a friend or loved one who is grieving the death of a someone who had a terminal illness is to be patient, available and understanding. Let them know that you are thinking of them and that you are there for them. If they call, answer, if they need time alone, respect that.

The post Dealing With Grief following Death from a Terminal Illness appeared first on Funeralwise.